Matter of Fact
by englishpetal
Summary: Peyton's having Lucas' baby but he has no idea, in fact they haven't spoken in eight months. But now she's starting to wonder if she really does want to do this on her own. LP
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **So just to clarify this story doesn't pick up from any particular point in the show (though it isn't really AU) and the timeline will be explained as it goes on. I know that this basic concept has been done a million times before but every story is different so if you feel like giving it a chance, please do. I know that the summary sucks and I hate it more than you will ever know so try to ignore it if you can. Reviews are of course always appreciated and obviously I don't own OTH. Now on with the actual story ...

-x-

Time flies by when you're having fun. Or so the saying goes. In truth time flies by when you're unprepared for what's coming next, when you're having trouble making decisions for the 'right now', when you don't want to face the future. Time flies by when you really need it to just stand still for a little while.

To Peyton it felt like the last few months had flown by, between moving house and office, setting up camp in a whole new town, piling on extra work and flying across the country to join Mia on tour and oh yeah those ante-natal appointments, she'd barely had time to process everything that was happening. Or maybe she was just trying to avoid all the choices she had made and all those that were yet to come.

But she had had some fun since she left Tree Hill, spending four months on the road with Mia had taken her all across the country, allowed her to see things she otherwise wouldn't have seen and meet people she never dreamed she'd ever be in the same room with. The memory of Dave Grohl acting gentlemanly and offering her his seat backstage at one of the many music festivals she'd attended this summer, would be permanently imprinted in her mind. She couldn't believe her own damn bad luck at meeting her lifelong mega-crush when he was off the market and she at seven months pregnant was quite obviously in his words 'in the family way'.

After a particularly eventful night in Seattle, she had made the decision to return to her new home in Charlotte, North Carolina. That day she had come across rock guitarist legend Mick Wolf during the sound check, she was busy making connections with agents and moguls from the big record labels and he was passed out, drunk or stoned she didn't know, behind the couch on which she was sitting.

"That's Mick Wolf?!" She remembered crying in disbelief. "He's an absolute phenomenon. I can't believe I'm breathing the same air as him ... well at least I hope he's still breathing. God he is really out of it, is he gonna be able to play tonight?"

"Who knows?" A middle-aged manager of a new indie band had answered her. "Back in the 80s Mick was known for being able to throw back, snort or shoot up anything and everything and he'd still be up there setting the stage alight. He did it that way for a good decade or so and then a few years back the so-called 'love of his life' died and ever since he's been a wreck. Only tours a few months a year, can only make it on stage for a handful of shows when he's not blacked out like he is now. It's sad too, not about him" he scoffed before continuing. "But his girl, Ellie, she was a real firecracker and they were inseparable back then, none of us could believe it when she got sick again, we just presumed she'd come back fighting and beat it for good. She really was one of a kind. Actually you kind of remind me of her ..."

Peyton missed whatever he had said next as tears filled in her eyes and memories of Ellie flooded her senses, she could only mumble in reply as she excused herself from the room. The thought that all these people knew Ellie back in her 'wild child' days and that this ruined shell of a man might possibly be her biological father left her alone, quiet and weeping, in an empty tour bus.

She had run into him some hours later and if she's honest, he looked better than she thought he would do after the state she had left him in but he certainly didn't look like a father, he didn't look at her with the same look of unconditional love and pride that her _dad _does as he rambled on about knowing Ellie 'back in the day'. He appeared flustered as he commented on her physical likeness to his ex-lover and then lost himself in a wistful speech about how he knew 'your father' and how much 'your father' had supposedly loved Ellie and the 'epic love' they had shared. When Peyton had plucked up the courage to look him dead in the eye, she knew. She could see in the way he stared back at her that he knew as well, but he wasn't going to admit it any time soon.

She had stayed in silence with her father, and it pained her to think of him that way, for several minutes before she had walked away from him. "It's time I went home." Peyton had declared to him. "This was never meant to be my life."

And it never was. When Ellie had given her up for adoption it was to prevent her from living the life of a rock tour love child, she wasn't meant to move from town to town in the back of an old tour bus. She wasn't supposed to be raised surrounded by drink and drug fuelled strangers in an environment where casual sex and violence is not only acceptable but expected.

Peyton had been meant for a life of small-town normalcy, to be raised by a loving stay at home mother and a hard working, trustworthy father who would dote on her in a house where their family photos would hang on the wall and a swing set would sit on the lawn. That was the life that Ellie and Mick had intended for her and the life that her mom and dad had given her.

And that is that life that she needed, and wanted to build for her unborn child.

So she had caught a flight back to NC the next morning and begun settling into her new apartment on the outskirts of Charlotte. She worked from home, tracking the progress of the new band she had signed before she left Tree Hill and tried to prepare herself for the imminent arrival of her baby. Only leaving the apartment on occasion to buy groceries or attend her hospital appointments she started to live the life of a recluse, even hibernating inside with Brooke when she visited, which she did frequently.

In fact it was due to Brooke's insistence that she stayed so close to her home town. On finding out she was pregnant and that the father of her unborn child was moving on with his life without her, Peyton wanted nothing more than to run; to run as far away from Tree Hill as she could get and never to return. However her brunette best friend had other ideas, they had to stick together, Brooke had said, it's Hoes over everything after all. As Brooke had to remain in Tree Hill for the foreseeable future in order to manage the store, Peyton had agreed to stay within the state boundary so that Brooke could keep an eye on her and accompany her to her appointments.

She had also done her best to pester Peyton about involving _'him'_, the elusive 'father of my child' as Peyton had decided to stop using his name and would grumble in protest every time Brooke did. There was nothing that Brooke wanted more than for Peyton to move back home and confess that she was carrying his child, the truth would come out eventually and the sooner the better was her view.

But Peyton would have none of it, her incessant pleas of independence continued throughout her pregnancy, to be heard by Brooke, her OB-GYN, various pregnant women who she met in doctors' waiting rooms and most frequently by herself when they came from that little voice inside her head that on occasion would materialise as a bitter, sarcastic goth angel.

And time after time she would insist that she didn't want him, that she didn't need him and that her and her daughter would do just fine on their own thank you very much. But standing there in the entrance to the maternity ward on the day she knew was coming but would never be quite ready for, she started to wonder if she really did want to be doing this on her own.

"Hi my name's Peyton Sawyer, I'm a patient of Dr Johnson's and I have a baby coming out of me!" Peyton chuckled uneasily.

The polite nurse she spoke to at the desk ushered her into an exam room and gave her a gown to change into it whilst asking her the routine questions regarding her due date, contractions and water breaking. She offered to call someone for her as she went to leave the room.

"No thank you. There's no one, it's just me and her." Peyton contemplated as she rubbed her swollen belly.

"It's just you and me baby girl." Peyton continued whispering after the nurse had left the room, allowing a few stray tears to fall. This was it, she was officially in labour and in a matter of hours, and she really hoped that it would just be a few hours, she would give birth to the baby that she had been carrying and nurturing for nine months.

As a woman she had of course pictured the day she would have her first child time and time again, right back from when she was a little girl. Not once in these daydreams was she alone, she always had a strong hand to hold. A husband, a father, to lean on.

But thinking of the night her baby had been conceived she knew that she couldn't have him here with her, after all he wasn't hers anymore.

"_Whatever this is I don't feel right about it"_

"_It's called me being nice to you"_

"_Well it needs to stop"_

"_Yeah well maybe you're right". He muttered walking out of her office._

"_So you're just gonna run away Lucas is that it? Run home to your perfect little girlfriend and your perfect little life. Well let's see how long that lasts."_

_He came to a halt, turned and pushed against the doorframe. "How dare you? She makes me happy, what is there an alarm in your head that goes off every time I'm happy with somebody else? What do you want from me?!"_

"_Happy, is that what you are? Then why is it you can't seem to leave me alone, you've practically been stalking me out here, you couldn't wait to pull me away from that bartender at the store opening ... you know what I want from you? I want you to get the hell out of my face and out of my life!" She screamed at him, leaving Lucas in a state of shock, she'd never let him have it quite like that before._

_Peyton continued quietly. "Your problem Lucas, is that you want what you can't have." If those words didn't sting then the look she gave him sure did; her eyes had turned dark and the deep green pools bore holes into him._

"_Oh I can't have you can I?" Lucas challenged as he strode towards her, seized her face in his hands and pulled her lips to his to clasp in an intense kiss. It was rough and passionate and yet Peyton still found herself melting into his touch, so much so in fact that her legs started to buckle beneath her and she stumbled backwards. With this Lucas allowed one hand to leave her face and make its way down her side and into the small of her back, drawing her body to rest against his. Their hips met and with the feeling of his body touching hers she briefly withdrew from the kiss, his lust-filled eyes locked onto her with confusion. "Peyton" is all he breathed out across her lips and that's all the encouragement she required, gripping his collar tightly she kissed him again, bold enough this time to let a soft moan out against his tongue as he demanded access to her mouth which she obliged._

_As he started to stagger forwards she leaned up on her toes signalling him to lift her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She pressed her hips into him and he groaned at the contact, falling against the slightly unsteady shelving unit he gripped the back of her neck to kiss her deeper, wanting to explore every inch of her warm, inviting mouth. She was left gasping for air and moaning his name breathlessly as he allowed his hand to leave her ass and slide up her shirt, when he cupped her breast through her bra she let out a loud cry of pleasure and threw her head back, distracting her from her previous task of unbuttoning his shirt. She leaned down to kiss across his neck and collarbone and his lips caught hers in a short peck, their eyes met and studied each other, both silently asking the same question 'is this what you really want?'_

_Lucas answered by stroking the nape of her neck softly, inhaling her scent, his mind screaming at him to take her this second. In knows in his heart that it's all he wants, right now he has no comprehension of ambition, talent, family, friends, career or Lindsey. He only knows love and that his heart wants him to make love to the first girl he ever loved and the only one he will ever truly be in love with._

_Peyton could read him through his eyes, she couldn't sense any regret he would come to feel and she didn't feel any guilt in her actions. This was what she was owed, it was what she deserved, she deserved to be with the man she loved. She had waited long enough. "I still love you Lucas." She whispered with such conviction, it almost broke his heart and he fell in love with her all over again._

_He responded by carrying her to the nearest surface, her desk, and laying her down so gently she almost thought the moment had passed and he was saying goodbye. She gazed up at him, love and passion and frustration compelling her to reach up and pull him down to her. He beat her to it though, painstakingly slowly he undid his last couple of buttons and removed the item of clothing from his body and discarded it to the floor, never once leaving her eyes. He then moved to cover her body with his until his forehead rested against hers, intending fully to convey his love not through words but by his actions. He was going to use his hands, his lips and his body to show her just how much he loved her._

The pain and regret of that night penetrated her soul once again and Peyton struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall as the nurse re-entered the room. It struck her that this was the most daunting day of her entire life and she feared she might crumble under the pressure.

"Okay Ms Sawyer we have your room ready now." The nurse declared as she carried Peyton's bag for her and ushered her towards the door. "Now are you sure there isn't anyone you'd like me to call?"

Peyton paused for a moment, the decisions going back and forth in her mind. "Actually, there is someone."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the great reviews and for putting this story on alert, you guys are amazing and it gives me that little bit of added motivation that I need sometimes to put pen to paper. This chapter is relatively short again because that's just how it came out when I was writing it but some will be longer. Anyways, read on!

-x-

Brooke Davis shimmied her way through the hospital parking lot with her usual air of self-importance, fussing with the hair that she hadn't had a chance to fix properly since early that morning and tutting at the inconsiderate drivers who for some unknown reason refused to stop for her.

"Excuse me people!" She trilled, dodging the mass of people who were flocking towards the main entrance. "Best friend having a baby, get out of my way!"

She had been in the middle of her mid-morning bagel, sketching a new design at the cash register when she received the call. The baby was coming a week early and she wasn't there by Peyton's side, like she promised she would be. She was due to drive out to Charlotte the next night to stay with her until the baby arrived, why hadn't it occurred to her that it might come before the due date?

She barely mumbled an excuse to Millie, who she knew probably wouldn't believe it anyway, before she shot out of the store to pick up a bag from home and then headed out on the road. She had driven straight there without another stop and she was thirsty, hungry, desperate to use the bathroom and had a tension headache from the eyestrain of driving and the stress of speeding across the state to race to her best friend's bedside.

She swore she had left fingernail indentations on the steering wheel from gripping it so furiously but she knew that she had to get all of the anxiety and dread out of her system now because from this moment on her job was to soothe Peyton and ease her fears.

A part of her still couldn't believe that this was happening, Peyton was having Lucas' baby and he had no idea. When Peyton had first told her that she wasn't going to involve him in the pregnancy, Brooke thought she was kidding. The second time she thought that Peyton was mad and would quickly change her mind. After hearing it numerous more times Brooke realised just how scared she was and this was confirmed for her when she came home to find Peyton with her bags packed saying that she couldn't stay in Tree Hill any longer. She understood that her friend was heartbroken but not telling Lucas that she was pregnant with his child is something she knew Peyton would come to regret.

She hoped that when she found Peyton on the maternity ward that her fellow broody blonde would be with her but she realized how little chance there was of it being true.

Sure enough, she was right. She dived straight into Peyton's arms as she entered her room with mutterings of 'Oh my Gods', 'I can't believe it', 'How you feeling?' and 'Thank you for coming' passing across the friends' lips, to find the blonde alone.

"Thank you so much for coming." Peyton sniffed through unshed tears for the fifth time since Brooke had arrived. "I just ... they kept asking who they should call and I couldn't think of anyone ... I just wanted you here with me B. Davis."

"Hey," Brooke sat herself down on the bed and took Peyton's chin in her hand. "You are more than welcome; there is nowhere else I'd rather be. You know I got your back don't you? Even when you do get yourself in these messes." She teased lightly.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm still grateful and I just want you to know."

They shared a smile. "I do know. So ..." The brunette whistled as she took in the relative luxury of the hospital room. "Not bad here is it? I thought that hospitals were all icky." She made a face in an attempt to get Peyton to laugh.

It worked, a little. "Yeah well, it's a little different in the city, you have all these different private hospitals to choose from and when I have an incredibly generous and gorgeous best friend insisting that she foot my medical bills, you can afford to be a little fancy." Peyton cocked an eyebrow, an expression that her best friend then mirrored.

"Well I am pretty gorgeous. So what's going on girly? How far along are we? How's it hanging, dilating, stretching and popping out?" She said, situating herself in the chair next to the bed.

Peyton can barely contain her snigger. "You're grasp on the English language is extraordinary. Everything's good, I'm about 4cm and ninety percent effaced so we have a little way to go yet, they gave me a mild painkiller to make this bit more comfortable but I really want to do the hard part without any drugs, like I told you."

Brooke leaned back in her chair and laughed off Peyton's attempts at bravery with a wave of the hand. "Yeah I remember and I still think that you're completely crazy, when I give birth, that is if I ever, ever find a man who'll stay long enough to impregnate me then I'm taking all the drugs that they're offering."

"Don't say things like that." The blonde scolded. "You'll find someone, and he will be an amazing guy. You're a catch. And besides we're 23, we don't have to have found the people we're meant to be with already."

"Though some of us already have." Brooke mumbled and through raising her eyebrows and a roll of the eyes she gave that all-knowing self-gratifying look that Brooke Davis pulls off oh so well. At Peyton's shrug and aggravated groan, she crossed her arms defiantly; she was not backing down from _this_ conversation. "Come on, did you really think we weren't going to talk about _'him'_?" She mock-emphasised with air-quotes.

"Brooke, can we please not do this now?" Peyton pleaded half-heartedly, knowing that no matter what her best friend would never get off her back about this.

"No! We absolutely have to 'do this' now, I've kept quiet, well relatively quiet, for months now Peyton and I've given you the time and space that you said you needed. But this is **it** now honey, **the day**. The baby is coming today, and her father should be here to see this. Her father should know that he's gonna have a daughter."

Peyton sighed through gritted teeth. "Brooke, honey," she emphasised, desperately trying to remain pleasant to her long-suffering friend. "We have been over this, he made his choice. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"_Lucas..." She whimpered as she let the last waves of ecstasy course through her, placing a soft kiss to his temple and running a hand through his now damp hair._

_He let his fingers trail lazily across her back and down her thigh as she rested her tired muscles atop his, they had found their way to the floor and he couldn't quite remember when but as he lay on the cold, hard concrete he wished she had better furnished the office. No matter how uncomfortable he was physically he couldn't bury the sense of completeness he felt at holding her in his arms, he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew that this is how it was supposed to be, this was the life he was supposed to be living. The one where Peyton lies exhausted in his arms after they make love, not where Lindsey does. _'_Oh dear God Lindsey!' He can't stop the thought that flies through his mind and once it's there there's no way of making it disappear. He is overloaded with a sense of extreme guilt, no matter how good it feels to him right now the fact will never change that he has cheated on his girlfriend. This isn't a few stolen kisses or an emotional connection that some may class as infidelity. This is full blown physical, sexual adultery and he hates himself for it. As much as he's made some ill-advised decisions, Lucas has always tried to be the best man he can be and this is far from his ideal version of himself._

"_Mmm, Luke baby, don't move." She murmured as he wriggled from beneath her. "What's wrong?"_

"_I can't believe I did this. This was so, so wrong. What was I thinking?" He muttered to himself as he struggled to his feet and began throwing on any clothes that he could find._

_Peyton was rather abruptly shifted from the hazy bliss she was revelling in just moments before to a harsh reality where the love of her life was once again declaring her a mistake. She couldn't stop the tears prickling at her eyes as she scrambled to throw on her shirt and underwear. "What?!" Was all she could manage to get out before he interrupted her._

"_This was ... oh God I can't believe I've been so stupid. I have to go."_

"_No!" She screamed at him, stopping him in his tracks to the door and pulling him around to face her. "Just stay," she continued quieter, "we need to talk about this"._

_He swallowed hard as he plucked up the courage to lie to her face. "There's nothing to talk about. It didn't mean anything, it was just ..."_

"_Don't you dare say it was just sex!" She pointed a finger at him, not bothering to wipe away the tears that had begun streaming down her cheeks. "That meant something, it always means something. It's you and me." She placed her hand over his heart and he felt its beat immediately quicken at her touch. "I know that you felt it, just like I did. You still love me don't you?"_

_He couldn't meet her eyes as he shrugged her away lightly. "I gotta go see Lindsey." And with that he turned on his heel and left her half-naked and sobbing in her dark office, alone._

"I am certain that he has never said that, and besides he never had all the facts!" The cries of her best friend cut Peyton out of her daydream.

"Brooke! Please stop! " Peyton cried out through muffled sobs, the heartache that Lucas Scott caused her almost always brought her to tears. "He quite clearly chose her over me. You were there weren't you, on his wedding day?"

Sadness for her friend shone through in Brooke's eyes, she knew the hurt that Lucas had inflicted upon Peyton, she'd felt that hurt herself and she was devastated for her when she watched him marry another woman. She couldn't nod, she couldn't agree, it may have appeared that Lucas had chosen Lindsey over Peyton but Brooke knew that in his heart there was never any choice, Peyton was his _one_.

"He had his chance," Peyton continued softly. "In fact, he has had several chances to be with me and every time he's let me walk away or he's pushed me away. He had me that night, I told him that I loved him and he made love to me and I thought that in our own screwed-up way that it was our road back to each other. But as far as he was concerned we were over long before that, he just wanted an easy lay."

"Peyton, that's crap!" The brunette snapped at her, her tolerance of Peyton's self-pitying coming to an abrupt end. "Look you know I love you and I will support you no matter what but this isn't just about you and Lucas anymore, it's about this beautiful baby girl who isn't gonna be inside you for much longer. You need to tell him honey. You should have told him already."

"I know, I know. I will."

"When, exactly? You're kind of running out of time here, you just going to show up in a few years and introduce him to his fully grown daughter? And what about when she asks about her father? What are you going to say?"

"Don't you think I've already thought about that?" Peyton bit back at her.

"Obviously, you haven't thought about it enough. I know that you want to share this with him honey, so why aren't you? Why isn't he here?"

"I don't want him to leave me again. I don't want her to have to feel the agony of it." She rubbed circles around her stomach, attempting to soothe the child inside her and to reduce the stabs of pain that she was suffering, both the physical and emotional.

"He's not going to leave you honey and he's certainly not going to leave his daughter or ever want to cause her any pain. But he's got to know about her first."

"I will tell him Brooke." Peyton replied sincerely. "I will, just not now."

Brooke feebly nodded her head in response, knowing that she probably wasn't going to win this argument. "Well I am starved and my throat's getting a little dry, I'm gonna go pick up something from the cafeteria. Do you want anything?"

"No thanks, I'm only allowed ice chips from now on apparently." Peyton answered, a little puzzled, she hadn't expected Brooke to drop the subject so easily.

"Okay, well I'll be back in a bit." She gave Peyton's hand one last squeeze before she shuffled out of the door.

Brooke moved quickly into one of the designated 'cell phone zones' before whipping out her trusty iPhone and pressing speed dial 5. Yeah so Peyton didn't want to call him, but that didn't mean that she couldn't.

He answered almost immediately and instead of exchanging pleasantries she got straight down to business.

"Lucas, it's Brooke. Just shut up and listen to me. Peyton's in labour, she's at St Mark's General in Charlotte. You can come now or not at all. It's up to you."

She waited for him to respond but her words were simply met with a stunned silence, she'd been prepared to explain more to him, to point out what to her seemed like the blatantly obvious but she didn't have to.

He knew.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks again for all the great reviews, they really mean a lot to me. However judging from some of them I think you might be a little disappointed with this chapter but hopefully not. Song lyrics are 'With Arms Wide Open' by Creed and I obviously don't own them.

-x-

_Well I just heard the news today  
It seems my life is going to change_

Lucas leapt out of the elevator and moved straight towards the OB-GYN reception desk, his mind was working overtime trying to process what little information Brooke had given him, _'She's in labour'_ , he knew what it meant, he knew why she had called him and yet he wasn't quite ready to fully admit it yet.

A friendly nurse greeted him from behind the desk as he stood waiting, "Hi, I'm looking for Peyton Sawyer, she's supposed to be here, she's uhm, she's having a ... she's in labour". Lucas struggled to get his words out, his body was running on empty and he felt more confused and utterly panicked that he ever had been in his life. He was amazed that he'd managed to drive himself here in the middle of the night with a million and one thoughts playing heavily on his mind, the predominate one being the little calculator in his head, the one that subtracts nine months and then says '_Oh shit.'_

He'd be lying if he said that this possibility had never entered his mind, I mean it's the cliché right? That one forbidden night of passion that inevitably results in a love child, there's been about a million adaptations of this story written over the years, but it wasn't their story. He just couldn't shake that feeling that he knew better, he knew Peyton better than that. There is no way that she'd find out that she was carrying his baby and not tell him.

The young woman took in his flustered appearance and the sheer terror that filled his voice, a combination she had seen so many times before, "So this is your first huh? Don't worry she's here, not quite ready for delivery yet so you're in time, she's in room 4C which is just down the hall that way." She added with a smile and a point in the right direction.

"Right, yep, that's, thank you. 4C, that way." He smiled as hard as he could without bursting into tears and headed down the hall, his eyes flying over every door desperately searching for the one he needed. So restless was he that he didn't even notice when a familiar looking brunette emerged from the ladies' bathroom door.

"Luke?" She asked quietly, unsure of how to approach the man who she had recently given the biggest news of his life.

"Brooke?" He turned back to face her, part of him delighted that he had someone to let some frustration out on and another part of him totally clueless of how he was supposed to let this frustration out. "What? When? How? What?!"

She could sense fear, concern and anger in his words and quite frankly she didn't blame him for any of it. She had advised Peyton to tell him the truth at the beginning and had reiterated this concept to her countless times over the last eight months, knowing that when it came down to it no matter how hard her best friend pleaded with her not to, she would end up summoning him in time for the birth.

"Luke, I get where you're coming from, believe me I do, but I can't answer any of the questions that you have. Only she can. Peyton. She's in there." Brooke gestured towards a closed door. "She's having a tough time of it but she's doing great. Now just please go in and talk to her, hold her hand, be there for her." She stepped back, indicating for him to move forward.

Lucas paused for what was likely just a few seconds but which felt to him like years, he couldn't understand why, if what he thought was true, she wouldn't have told him or what on earth this meant for him or _them, _he just knew that he had to be a man and walk through that door. With a deep breath he gripped the door handle and stepped into the room where his world would be turned upside down.

_I closed my eyes, begin to pray_

His eyes found her, sitting up on the bed with one arm wrapped around her large, round belly and the other leaning on the mattress for support as she tried to breathe through a painful contraction. Her blonde hair was a frazzled mess and her face was flushed and void of make-up, he hadn't laid eyes on her in months, had to make do with envisaging her in his mind but everything he remembered about her was still true, she was still beautiful and she still took his breath away.

She looked up when she heard the door open, expecting Brooke to have come back with a coffee refill, instead she was met with his steely blue gaze capturing her attention, looking like he wanted to kill her and yet also like he wanted to cry.

"Lucas." Was all she managed to breathe out as the contraction subsided. They stared in silence for a few seconds before Peyton whispered again, "What are you doing here?" She tried to disguise the alarm in her voice but she was overcome with total disbelief that he was here. She had been preparing herself for this day since the moment he had turned her away, the moment she realised that she would be a single mother and her child would grow up without a father. She had been preparing herself for this day, when all the other days of her life would begin, the day that she would give birth to their child, alone.

"I called him", Brooke's voice penetrated the room. "I'm sorry honey, but you know it's the right thing to do. I'm gonna leave the two of you alone." She closed the door behind Lucas and retreated into the hallway.

Lucas breathed out as he let his back rest against the door; the shock on Peyton's face when she saw him told him that she didn't know he was coming, that she hadn't wanted him to come. He wanted to let everything he'd been feeling since he got Brooke's phone call wash over him, to take it all in but he couldn't. He didn't know how to without exploding in rage at Peyton, the woman who had been lying to him, the one who had run away and kept this from him. But looking at her now, he sees _his_ Peyton, his precious Peyton and she's in pain. She looks exhausted and scared and alone, and it takes everything he has to stop himself from flying towards her and gathering her into his arms.

"Lucas? Are you going to say something ... at all?" She quizzed him gently.

He sighed heavily before moving to sit in the chair next to her bed. "I'm just trying to find the right words, any words actually, to say to you. You've just sort of caught me off guard, this wasn't exactly what I thought I'd be doing when I woke up this morning."

She cracked a small smile. "So just tell me what you thought you'd be doing today."

"Seriously Peyton?! You want me to make cute small talk with you, you're about to give birth and you want to go all 10th grade!"

"I'm sorry, I just, I don't know what to ... why'd you come Lucas?"

"I came because Brooke called to inform me that you were in labour and it was my time to step up. And I just cannot wrap my head around this, the whole way over here I just kept thinking that you would have told me about this," he signalled towards her pregnant stomach. "The Peyton that I know would have told me that I'm gonna be ... and I just can't believe that this is how and when I'm finding out! You should have told me." He finished quietly.

"I know. I'm so sorry. I tried to tell you, I tried so hard but you were being such an ass to me and I was so terrified that you would treat the baby like you did me, like trash you couldn't wait to throw away." Peyton focused intently on the blankets around her as she failed to hold back any tears, her emotions and hormones so uncontrollable she could only sit and weep.

"What?" He whispered, barely audibly. "I have never treated you like trash. I would never have turned my back on you."

"Oh really?!" She cried, suddenly getting her fight back. "Well what about when you fucked me and then proceeded to propose to Lindsey! What about the day I came to you and begged for your love, I begged you not to marry her, to pick me and you said no. What about when you looked through me like I was nothing and walked away. In what universe is that not you turning your back on me?!"

And with that they were both forced back to a night that they so wanted to take back, or to at least change the outcome of, if only one of them had.

_She'd been staring at her computer screen for fifteen minutes waiting for him to arrive, trying to find the words that she needed to tell him, trying to find the right way to tell him. How exactly do you tell your ex-boyfriend who just happens to now be engaged to somebody else that you're pregnant with his child? How do you give him the news that whether he wants it or not his life as he knows it is going to change forever? But he would want it._

_She knew he would. There was no way that Lucas would ever walk away from his child, and he would never turn his back on her. She planned on telling him that he could be as involved as he wanted to be but that if he didn't want to be involved, then that was fine too. But he would want to be involved. Lucas was meant to be a father, he loved kids, he wanted kids._

'_Just not with me.' Peyton feared. _

_He didn't want her, didn't want a life with her. He had made it so clear in fact that mere hours, or possibly minutes, after hearing her declarations of love and in turn making love to her, he had proposed to Lindsey. Just thinking of the moment she had found out the next day still made her feel physically sick. She had been doing the dishes, or drinking coffee, or reading the paper, she couldn't quite remember as the whole day was a hazy mess but the memory of hearing those words was crystal clear._

_Brooke had dashed into the house and uttered a firm, "I need to tell you something." Once she had forced Peyton into a seat, she took her hands into hers and spoke so softly as though her words would break her friend, "Lucas proposed to Lindsey last night. They're engaged. I'm so sorry honey."_

_Those words did break her. They cut through Peyton's heart like a knife. She spent the rest of the day sobbing in Brooke's arms, much as she would come to spend many nights._

_And now several weeks later, she sat waiting in her office, the place where he had told her she meant nothing after worshipping her like she meant everything. She waited for him, proud that she was holding back the tears until he strolled through the door._

"_What's this about Peyton? You calling me to meet you here instead of just seeking me out for a showdown, this isn't you."_

"_Wow, you know if there's anyone not at liberty to judge out of character behaviour these days, it's definitely you."_

_He attempts to scowl at her before losing courage and stares at his own shuffling feet._

"_Well I figured that I hadn't had a chance to congratulate you yet so ..." She joked lightly, her nerves taking over. "Did you want to sit or ...?"_

"_Look Peyton, I came because you asked me to but I can't get into everything with you again. I'm moving on, I have moved on."_

_She scoffed through a forced smile. "Yeah so I've seen. Nice ring by the way, does it bother Lindsey that Brooke wore it first?"_

_He looks up to meet her eyes and guilt stabs at his heart as he sees pain reflected in her green orbs and a single tear running down towards her chin, she couldn't stop it from falling any more._

_So Brooke had told her. "Look Peyt, about that, I'm sorry –"_

"_Don't say you're sorry!" She snapped at him, the volume much louder than she was intending. "Sorry doesn't mean anything Lucas, what's done is done. There's no going back, apparently." Her voice trailed off as a whisper and he could sense the true meaning behind her words._

_He took a couple of steps closer to her but still maintained a considerable distance between them. "Even if you think my apology means nothing I am sorry Peyton, for hurting you these last few months. It was never my intention, I would never intentionally hurt you, you must know that. But ... I love Lindsey. I am in love with Lindsey and I'm going to marry her." It resounded in his ears as if to convince him as well. "You and me. Us. It's over."_

_If she thought the news of his engagement broke her heart it was nothing in comparison to how she felt at hearing the demise of their love announced from his lips. A sharp cold pain cuts at her chest and she felt her breath choke in her throat. He was saying they were over. He was saying never. Now she knew that she had broken his heart by saying someday, but she didn't said never. He was saying never. He was taking her promise of someday, the dream which got her through every day and night without him, and shattering it into a million anguishing pieces._

_He had made the conscious decision to leave her behind, to choose another woman over her. Again. And she truly believed that he wanted it to be over._

_So she said nothing. She let him walk out of her office, again, without the knowledge that he was to become a father. He had said it was over and she wanted so badly to believe him, to believe that the continuous cycle of heartache and despair was finished. She said nothing to him as she packed up her belongings and left town, hoping that if she travelled far enough away from him that she would start to believe it was true._

It took him a few moments before he raised his head from his hands in his lap, where it had been hanging shamefully. "I'm sorry. The proposal, and the timing. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I didn't plan it, it just happened." His voice was barely above a whisper, wanting to let out the truth that he had been hiding from everyone, the truth about how and why he had proposed to Lindsey. He glanced at Peyton, whose eyes were boring holes in him, clearly she wanted to know what the hell had happened to him that night.

Why had he made love to her so tenderly and passionately and then left her with nothing more than a promise that it was a meaningless hook-up and she was once again just a stupid mistake he had made. She wept for him that night, for them and for everything they had once had and through both their reckless decisions they had now lost. She collapsed in a heap on the concrete floor and sobbed until her eyes had no more tears and her throat and chest hurt from the heaving. How could he have asked someone else to spend the rest of his life with him mere moments after she had given her body and soul to him, declared her everlasting love for him, just as they both had done all those years ago. Her to him, behind the privacy of closed doors and him to her, through the medium of literature he announced to the world that she was the love of his life and he would love her forever. But she said nothing, didn't ask any of the burning questions she was desperately holding back. She waited for his answer, for his explanation.

He knew it. He knew she wouldn't badger him for specifics, she wanted to hear his reasoning in his own words and he owed it to her. She deserved to hear it the morning after, nine months ago; he should have opened up and told her it was all a cowardly mistake. She deserved that. In fact what she truly deserved was for him not to have done it at all. And Lindsey deserved just as much. He opened his mouth slowly but it still took a few seconds for him to start speaking, "That night, when I got home ... Lindsey was, she was waiting for me and ..."

He was cut off by Peyton wailing and squirming in pain. "Oh God ... oh it's getting worse ... it hurts Lucas, it hurts." She was screaming at him and her face was contorted by the strain.

He had never seen her like this, in so much physical agony. Even when she was lying in his arms bleeding to death, as time went on she drifted into unconsciousness and she appeared more weak and lifeless than suffering. He moved even closer to her, grasping her hand in his which she locked her fingers around like a vice. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here, you're doing great."

"It's not okay. It's not. It hurts so bad and ..." she stopped to screech in his ear, which he quite smartly chose to withstand without grimacing too much at her. "Oh fuck, they're getting worse, Luke you gotta get the doctor, the baby's coming."

He flew from the chair and went to step away from the bed when she sharply tugged him back. "No don't leave me!" He looked down and saw that tears were starting to fall from her eyes and she was quivering, with pain or fear or maybe both, he didn't know.

He let his other hand, the one that wasn't getting the life force drained from it as Peyton's death-grip fingernails pierced his skin, reach out to caress her now red and sodden cheek. "Hey, hey, look at me." Her pupils darted to align with his. "You're gonna be fine, you're doing so good but I gotta go get the doctor okay? I'll be back in two minutes." She bit her lip and nodded furiously at him. "Okay, I'll be right back. Just stay here and I'll be back." He removed her hand from his, placed it in her lap and swiftly backed out of the door.

Lucas fell back on the wall outside, exhaling loudly. The sigh that escaped from his throat was reminiscent of an overflowing river that breaks the levees whose only job is to keep everything within those walls. He had to keep it together, he couldn't break down, he couldn't cry, he couldn't yell. He just had to be there for her, for the two of them, for Peyton and his soon-to-be-born child. It occurred to him now that he hadn't even bothered to ask if it was a boy or a girl, a son or a daughter. It then occurred to him that he didn't really mind as long as he or she got here safely and for that he needed to get a hold of himself and take charge of the situation. After all, that's what fathers do.

"I'm going to be a father." He whispered so inaudibly he couldn't even hear his own words. He allowed himself another second, just a second, before he charged towards the nurses' station and set the wheels in motion. This was it, they were going to deliver his and Peyton's baby.

_Well I don't know if I'm ready  
To be the man I have to be_

"Lucas?" Brooke called out frantically as she stood up from her chair, throwing down the copy of People magazine she'd been flicking through. "Is everything okay? Is Peyton okay?"

The calm he had previously been feeling evaporated and the sheer panic set back in as he raced forwards to meet her in the centre of the waiting area. "She's fine I think. The baby's coming. Actually, I should probably get back in there because the baby is coming. Now. The baby is coming now. How did I start this afternoon devising a battle plan for the next game and now I'm having a baby? How did this happen?!" His words came out fast and jumbled and with the addition of his arms which were flailing around furiously as he paced in front of her, she struggled to understand what he was saying but she managed to get the general gist of it.

"Lucas? Hey! Look at me." She snapped her perfectly manicured fingers in front of his face. "I know this is a shock. I know it's a really big deal, but you don't have time to freak out now okay? Whatever you're going through, Peyton is feeling that ten times over. She's exhausted and she is in pain but she's doing all that so that she can deliver your baby. **Your** baby Lucas, yours and Peyton's. She should have told you before, she was wrong not to but she needs you now. So get your ass in there, hold her hand and let her yell at you because well, you deserve it a little. But mostly just go and watch _her_ be born so that I can meet my beautiful, blonde, broody goddaughter." She finished her speech with a shrug of the shoulders and a smirk.

"_Her? _A daughter? A little girl?" He murmured softly, amazement and fear shining through his eyes.

Brooke nodded with a smile, her trademark dimples mirroring his as he stared into space in awe. "Now move! Get in there!"

Lucas re-entered the delivery room to find a flurry of doctors and nurses fussing around Peyton, a male nurse was busy setting up the incubator in the corner whilst a middle-aged woman coached her gently "We're almost there now Peyton, you're doing really well, just a little bit longer." The older nurse then followed Peyton's glance to him as he walked in, "You're the father? Come on in then, you're not going to do anyone any good standing there in the doorway like an idiot!"

He took the necessary steps towards the bed, each one feeling slower and heavier than the last. Once he reached Peyton's side he left a firm kiss on the top of her head before taking her hands from the nurse and into his, Peyton immediately gripped them rigidly whilst looking deep into his eyes, desperately trying to search him out. She needed to know that he was going to stand by her through this, that he would forgive her for her lies and secrets and that this was where he wanted to be. She tried to read him, to see into his heart but all she could see through his eyes was fear and she was pretty sure that when he looked back at her that was all he could see in hers too.

"Peyton" the young obstetrician's call diverted her attention "it's time now, next contraction you gotta try pushing for us okay?"

Lucas settled himself behind her so she could lean back against his chest with Peyton's hands wrapped around his by her shoulders. "Are you ready?" He whispered into her ear.

"Are you?" She replied before her contraction hit and she was forced to try pushing what felt like a small elephant out of her body, a loud scream and groan her only form of release.

"Peyton that's not enough, you gotta push harder for me next time okay? As hard as you can Peyton, here we go" came the ever encouraging voice of her doctor from her position between Peyton's legs.

"I can't, it's too hard." She whined through ragged breaths.

"Yes you can sweetie, I know you can. Come on you can do it." Lucas urged her on.

Peyton continued pushing and grunting whilst Lucas supported her the best way he could, with soothing words, his hands to hold and his body to lean on as the doctor cried out phrases like "Here's the head ... the shoulders are out now ... you're doing so good, just a little bit more ... there we go, here she is, definitely a girl!"

_With arms wide open  
Now everything has changed  
I'll show you love  
I'll show you everything_

She held up the wrinkly newborn for her parents to see and Lucas' breath hitched in his throat as he watched his daughter take her own first breath before receiving the obligatory slap on the bottom which caused her to let out the most enchanting cry he had ever heard in his life. He was frozen in awe staring at this most remarkable precious creature and he couldn't quite believe that she was his, in that moment he completely understood that she was the most important thing in the world and that he would give anything for her. It sounds like a cliché but staring into his daughter's eyes he realized that his life now revolved around her and that this would forever remain the greatest moment of his life.

Peyton let out several strangled sobs as she was captivated by her baby daughter and her wide beautiful, blue eyes as she was laid across her chest. _Her daughter_. _Their daughter. _She looked up to meet Lucas's pupils, glinting behind his tears and shining as bright as their beautiful baby girl's and now she could read him clearer than ever before. The smile that was plastered across his face rose up to meet his eyes and then went further than that deep down into his soul, the joy and pride that he was exhibiting was enough to bring her to tears, if she hadn't already been crying. She had gone through nine months of physical and emotional turmoil for this moment and she knew that it was more than worth it. The sheer delight that she felt looking at her daughter for the first time, at finally getting to meet this beautiful tiny little person made everything else seem insignificant. She was numbed to the pain of childbirth, all of her regrets from the past few years of her life washed away in an instant and she couldn't worry about Lucas' reaction or where they would go from here because she was at a standstill. Stuck in the most perfect moment of happiness, pride and adoration, Peyton didn't ever want to wake up from this dream.

"Thank you." Were the only words she could breathlessly mutter to Lucas as they locked eyes once more.

He leant down to capture her lips with his briefly, a kiss in the moment to symbolize the birth of their child, it wasn't a romantic kiss or a forgiving kiss, it was a kiss of love, respect and familiarity. A perfect little moment of closeness that bonded them, as a family.

_I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side  
We stand in awe, we've created life_


	4. Chapter 4

"Can you believe how gorgeous she is?" Peyton gushed as she watched Lucas rock their baby daughter in his arms as he walked back and forth besides the bed.

"Of course I can. Big soulful eyes, beautiful all-knowing smile that's going to melt the heart of any male within a ten foot radius – she's all you." Lucas shot her a heartfelt smile which she returned with earnest.

As touched as Peyton was by his sentiments, he had been showering her with flattery for the past thirty minutes, all without an ounce of scorn or irritation and she knew that he had to be furious at her. At the very least he had to be stunned at having this news sprung on him so suddenly.

"Luke?" She called out to him at which he averted his gaze from the newborn in his arms to her mother, lying exhausted on the bed. "Do you want to talk about all of this, yet? I mean, now. Or do you maybe want to wait for a little bit?"

"What do you mean? What do you want to talk about?" He answered her question with a question, apparently oblivious to the rather serious predicament they were in.

"What I mean is that this has been a big, important, long day and I know that you weren't expecting it. So if you're feeling trapped or not prepared or frightened or pissed off at me, then you can tell me y'know? I know I deserve everything I have coming to me, I just need to know how you feel about this, about us" she gestured between herself and the baby. "I want to know where you want to go from here."

Lucas lowered himself carefully into the chair next to the bed and repositioned the baby in his embrace. He took Peyton's hand in his and said softly "the only thing that you deserve right now is a medal. You just gave birth and you're tired and worn out and you don't need to be exhausted any more so we can talk about all this later, or tomorrow okay? I am not unaware of the fact that we have a lot to talk about and we both have things to answer for, but that's not what's most important right now."

Peyton let out a small sigh of relief and nodded. "Okay."

"But, I do think we should talk about a name for this beautiful little lady. I mean, have you picked one already?"

"Well I kind of always thought that if I had a daughter I'd name her ..."

"Anna." They both said in unison.

"Yeah." Peyton smiled. "I can't believe you remember that."

"Of course, you want to name her after your mom. Anna." He allowed the name to pass across his lips again. "It's beautiful. It's what I always imagined our daughter would be called."

Peyton met Lucas' eyes in another warm smile, they seemed to be doing that a lot today, before lowering her view to watch their now sleeping daughter in his arms. "Can I hold her again?" She requested and Lucas dutifully complied, standing up to nestle Anna in her mother's safe embrace.

"Have you given any thought to a middle name?" He asked once he was seated comfortably again, leaning forward against the mattress to be close to the two of them.

"Well I was set on Elizabeth for a while, y'know for Ellie, but it's my middle name too and I don't want it to be too egotistical on my part, forcing my name upon her and everything."

Lucas could only chuckle at her insecurity. "I don't think anyone would accuse you of being egotistical for giving her your middle name."

She shrugged. "I don't know. Unless you have any ideas, I don't know if you wanted to have a family name in there too, for your mom or whoever. Brooke's been quite keen to be in on the name but I just don't think that Anna Brooke or Anna Penelope really goes. Although for a while she was pushing for Davis as a possible name too, so there are your options."

"Well personally I'm not feeling that Anna Davis Scott really goes either so ..."

"Scott?" Peyton cut him off. "You want her to have your last name?"

"No ... I mean I just assumed ... but it doesn't matter, whatever you want to call her is fine - Sawyer, Scott, Davis. It's all good as far as I'm concerned." Lucas attempted to backtrack.

"Luke." Peyton began after he'd finished rambling. "We don't have to decide on a last name, or a middle name right now. We can just leave her as Anna, for the time being."

"Yeah. Anna." He mouthed her name again as he leaned in to kiss her on the head. "Anna's perfect."

"Knock, knock." The sound of Brooke's sing-song voice filled the room as she re-appeared laden down with balloons, a giant pink teddy, a hamper covered in cellophane and satin ribbons, various other rainbow-coloured and shiny items and the one thing Lucas and Peyton were both relieved to see – fresh coffee. "How is my new favourite girl doing? Still dazzling I see."

Lucas stood to lighten Brooke's load, setting down the helium-filled greetings and the hamper which he could now see was filled with diapers and bath soaps, weird combination he thought, but okay. He took the coffees and placed one on Peyton's bedside table.

"Ah, no! That's yours Luke, the decaf is for Mommy." She pointed to a different cup in the cardboard container and a puzzled Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. "Well she can't be drinking caffeine by the gallon when she's nursing can she?" Brooke rolled her eyes before she leaned over the bed to leave kisses on Anna and Peyton's foreheads.

"You're gonna nurse her? Of course you are." Lucas answered his own question. "Why didn't I know that?" Lucas saw Peyton shake her head lightly behind Brooke's form in a way which said '_we'll talk about it all later'_.

"So," Brooke's tones once again dominated. "I looked all over the gift shop but I couldn't find a purple monkey but instead I got a ... red giraffe!" She exclaimed, pulling the stuffed animal from behind her back. "Isn't it cute?! She's a girl too, see the big eyelashes, so I thought we could name her Brooke seeing as I'm not going to get in on the actual name." The brunette continued excitedly whilst wiggling the giraffe in front of baby Anna's face. "So, what you two been talking about? Does this precious girly have a name yet?"

"Actually, yes." Peyton lifted Anna to present her to her best friend. "Brooke, this is your goddaughter Anna."

Brooke clasped her hands over her mouth as a few tears began to fill her eyes. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you decided on Anna, it's beautiful. Your mom will be so proud." She leaned back in to hug Peyton and place another soft kiss onto Anna's head. "I am so proud of you honey."

At hearing her friend's words, Peyton joined her in crying softly. "Thank you so much for being there for me, for us. I couldn't have done this without you. I'm so glad you're my best friend."

Lucas stood watching the two women embrace and feeling like he was intruding upon a private moment he decided to excuse himself to the bathroom.

"So ..." Brooke broke the silence the two friends had fallen into once their tears had subsided; she was holding Anna in her arms as they baby continued to rest peacefully. "How's he taken it? I gotta be honest, a part of me thought I'd come back to find World War III going on in here but you both seem pretty mellow."

"Lucas? I don't know, I think he's still in shock or something. He says that we've got plenty of time to decide what we're gonna do and that he doesn't want to fight but I think that he just has no idea what to do now. And why would he? You just called him out of the blue and told him that I was having his baby ..."

"I never said that, he just assumed." Brooke added quickly.

"Anyway, he's had this huge thing just thrust upon him and he has to be mad as hell that I didn't tell him I was pregnant. I mean I'd be mad, I'd be screaming and throwing things and he's just being sweet and supportive and quiet and ... Lucas. I guess I'm just waiting for the initial shock to wear off for him so that I can figure out how he really feels."

"Honey you already know how he feels, he adores this little girl more than life itself, just like you do. If he had known about this nine months ago it wouldn't change how he feels about her today. It's just pure love, it's an unbreakable bond between parent and child and it's immediate. You knew didn't you, the minute you saw her?"

Peyton nodded. "I know that I will do anything to protect her. I know that she is the most important thing in the whole world. I love her so much it makes my heart hurt."

"So does Luke. He loves his daughter and despite some bad judgement on the part of her mother, he will always be there for both of you and he will always love her. Just as he will always love you, even when he tries to pretend he doesn't."

"Brooke, please don't start that again. Not today, this is not about me and Luke. It's about Anna." The blonde's heart warmed once more as she gazed at her daughter. "Now I've just gotta figure out what I'm going to do now." She wiped her eyes to halt the tears which were threatening to fall. "God, why am I being such a girl?"

"It's the hormones sweetie, you know that. And by the way, _we're_ going to figure this out. We're in this together, I promised you remember?"

Peyton nodded. "Hey, I'm not trying to be rude but I was thinking I might try and have a nap so ..."

"Oh yeah, of course." Brooke stood up to lay Anna down in the incubator. "I'll just tuck in this sleeping princess and I'll leave you to get some sleep." She smiled down at her baby goddaughter, knowing that no matter what happened from here on out, the little girl has two parents who love her more than anything and if they ever needed a bit of extra help she would always be there for them. "You did real good today, or yesterday whatever, I meant what I said. I'm proud of you P. Sawyer, and I'll support you no matter what."

"I know. Thank you." Peyton shot Brooke a small smile as the brunette left the room quietly, leaving her alone with her slumbering baby daughter.

Brooke closed the bathroom door behind her and moved towards the vending machine at the other end of the hall where an exhausted looking Lucas was standing, debating whether to get chips or a power bar.

"Hey new Daddy." She winked at him. "How you feeling?"

Lucas pushed off from the machine and stumbled back against the wall. "I have absolutely no idea. There's just a million things running through my head and I can't make sense of a single one of them."

She walked in front of him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know it's a lot to take in and I really appreciate you being so great to Peyton but if you need to get some things off your chest, you can get pissed at me. Scream if you want, just let it all out."

He smiled lazily. "I really don't think that's going to help me, but I'm grateful for the offer. I'm not mad, I'm really not. It's kind of difficult to be mad at the woman who's just given birth to your baby. It's just everything is such a whirlwind right now, I'm not even sure what day or time it is. I feel like I've been here for a week not a day, I haven't slept or showered and it's just so surreal. In a way, it's all gone by in a second and I know that I should be soaking it all up so that when Anna asks in a few years I can tell her all about the day that she was born."

Lucas shrugged off Brooke's hand and started to pace the floor. He had just started to realize how much he didn't know about raising a child, there were vaccinations that she was bound to need and decisions on what school she'd be going to, he obviously had to start a college fund for her and where were the two of them going to live? Where did Peyton live now? How was he ever going to see his daughter? "I just can't believe this is happening, it's all so fast and I'm so unprepared."

Brooke gave him a sympathetic smile. "I think you're more prepared than you think you are. You were always going to be a father Luke, you've always wanted to be one, it's just happened a little sooner than you expected. You're gonna figure it out, I know you will, you always do the right thing." She cocked her head to the side, re-evaluating her statement. "Well, maybe not always but most of the time."

He allowed a small chuckle to leave his lips. "Thanks Brooke. Look I gotta make a phone call, can I meet you back in there in a bit."

"Sure, I'll go and check in on our girls." She turned on her heel and began to walk away, before looking back over her shoulder to encourage "Hey Luke, it's gonna be okay."

He nodded in response before pulling his cell phone from his pocket and switching it back on, ready to be bombarded with missed calls and voicemails from concerned friends and family wondering where he had disappeared to. The most recent call was in fact from his wife and without bothering to listen to the message she had left him, he pressed the call-back button and waited for her to answer.

"Hello, Lindsey Strauss." Her dulcet tones flowed through his ears.

"Hey, it's me."

"Hey. Where have you been, you switched off your phone so I tried calling home but there was no answer and so I rang Haley who said she wasn't sure where you were. I've been so worried." The genuine concern that he heard in her voice only made it harder for him, knowing that he was betraying her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It's been a really hard few days without you so I just decided to go off for a drive and my cell phone died. I meant to call you but I figured that since you're in New York that you'd be too busy with work to worry." He lied, inwardly cursing himself for not being straight with her but then again who tells their wife they have an illegitimate child over the phone?

"Okay. Well I'm glad you called. Are you feeling better now? You realise that you could have just come up to see me you know, if you were missing me too much."

Lucas sighed, if only that were true. If only his biggest worry was missing his new wife when she was away for business. In truth he rarely felt lonely without her in the house, this is how their relationship had always been, part-time and with plenty of distance and he could never say this to Lindsey, but that's how he liked it. "Yeah I know. Look I'll be home really soon and I'll see you on Sunday okay?" He covered.

"Yeah, I'll see you Sunday. And Lucas, I love you."

"I love you too." His every word seeping with guilt, he hung up the phone.

"Sorry to wake you, I know you're tired. I left my purse in here." Brooke said on her re-entry to Peyton's room.

"That's okay. I wasn't asleep anyway, the doctor's just been in and she said we can go home in a couple of hours. She said everything's fine with me and that Anna looks really healthy so we are free to go." The new mother sighed as she played with her hands in her lap, cautiously avoiding her best friend's eye. "Will you come back with us? To the apartment I mean? Just for a little bit, I'm really worried that something's gonna go wrong or I've forgotten something and it would be a big weight off my mind if I wasn't on my own. Please?"

Their eyes finally met and Brooke could see those green orbs shining with tears of panic and uncertainty. She stepped forward to take Peyton's hand in hers and to hold the blonde's head closely against her chest. "Peyton sweetie, I think it's time for you to come home. You are not on your own, believe me and I will not let you do this alone."

Peyton could feel her cheeks flood with yet more tears, her exhaustion taking its toll on her body and emotions. Between sobs the only words she could muster were, "I really don't want to do this alone."

Lucas stood on the other side of the ajar door, his heart breaking at hearing the pain in her voice and knowing that the actions he would take in the next few days would determine the rest of his life.


	5. Chapter 5

Peyton moved past the last of her boxes which were littering the hallways of Brooke's home to pick up a baby blanket which had been tossed over the couch and tuck it around her sleeping daughter's body.

"She's been out for like four solid hours, is it always gonna be this easy or once I've fallen in love with her is that when she shows her true evil colours?" The new mother joked as she leant back up from the crib.

Brooke looked up from the bags of groceries she was unpacking to retort, "Honey you are already one hundred percent, completely in love with that girl and yeah I think that once she gets over the initial shock of being pushed out of your body, she'll start howling 24/7 and be impossible to please. Why did I invite you to move back in again?"

Peyton smirked at her. "Because you love us and because you know how grateful I am and how much I love you. And because you can't wait to be woken up every hour and have smelly diapers around the house and baby sick all over your clothes."

"I can so easily kick you back out." The brunette teased. "Just you though because I wanna keep this little princess all to myself." She joined Peyton besides Anna's crib and the two friends stared in amazement at the beautiful little girl, dead to the world. "All kidding aside, this is your home, both of yours for as long as you want it and no matter what happens. If the shit hits the fan this week, I still got your back. Hoes?" She pushed her fist forward for Peyton to bump.

"Hoes." Peyton agreed before pulling her best friend in for a hug. "Remember when it was just Hoes over Bros? Now it's gonna have to be Hoes over Bros and the betrayed wife and the no doubt disapproving family and friends. " The blonde sighed, a sigh full of exhaustion, apprehension of what was to come and a feeling of being totally overwhelmed.

"Jeez, and you and trouble sticking to the 'over Bros' arrangement." Brooke stuck out her tongue, trying to lighten the mood once more. Sensing that Peyton was still lost in her disheartening worries she furthered, "Hey, P Sawyer, everything's going to work out okay? It's probably gonna get tough for a while but you've got me, I'll stand by you. And you've got Luke too, he's not gonna let you down."

Peyton wasn't so sure that everything was going to turn out as rosy as Brooke was forecasting but she smiled anyway, wanting to show her friend that her encouraging words were not spoken in vain.

Brooke moved back towards the kitchen and began searching the freezer. "What do you want for dinner, we've got ... frozen pizzas, Ben & Jerry's and ice. Oh and the stuff we got at the grocery store so cookies, bread and yogurt. One of these days I have to start buying real food."

"You could buy it but it'll just end up sitting there for months before you learnt how to cook it."

"I could hire a cook. Speaking of, are you gonna hire a nanny?"

"Whoa, she's not even two days old yet, let's see how we go. And by the way pizza sounds great. I'm just going to the bath-ow-room." Peyton winced as she turned around to face Brooke.

"What's the matter, are you okay?" The brunette fussed.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just shouldn't twist that fast. Actually I shouldn't really bend either, or move around too much or sit down. Having a baby hurts."

"I thought that was just a rumour." Brooke laughed as she popped the pizzas in the oven. "I'm putting in one each for us, do you think Luke will want pizza?" She called after her friend.

"What?" A confused Peyton exclaimed from behind the bathroom door, having heard none of what Brooke had just said.

"Never mind." Brooke sang as she heard a knock at the door. "Speak of the devil." She remarked as she opened the door to find Lucas in front of her. "Did you get everything from the store?"

"I got everything that was on the list – diapers, baby wipes, pacifiers, baby Tylenol, some more clothes and bottles, bath stuff, a few other things that I saw; and even though the woman at the store assured me that she wouldn't need it for months yet I got some jars of baby food just in case." Lucas listed as he made his way into the house, peeking down at a sleeping Anna before resting the bags on the kitchen counter.

"Just in case there's a massive blizzard and we're snowed in for six months?" Brooked ribbed him with a raised eyebrow.

"I just want to be prepared okay? Where's Peyton?" He replied, his eyes searching the house.

"She's in the bathroom, she'll be out in a minute ... ah speak of the devil again." She finished as Peyton appeared back in the kitchen.

"Hey, you're back." She greeted Lucas. "Is there anything you didn't get at the baby store?" She smirked at him as she gazed at the seven bags he had traipsed in with. "You do realise that I did do some shopping over the last few months right?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you've got enough stuff." He responded, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment.

"We've got plenty now so thank you for going to the store, I really appreciate it." Peyton moved to sit on the couch besides her sleeping daughter.

Lucas sat beside her and leaned into Anna's crib to allow one finger to stroke her round, soft cheek. "She's so beautiful."

"Yeah." Peyton breathed out as she watched Lucas dote on his daughter. Meanwhile, Brooke had excused herself to her bedroom to change.

"What you said before, about thanking me for going to the store?" Lucas began quietly.

Peyton nodded.

"You don't need to appreciate it, whatever you two need I'll do for you, I'll get it for you it doesn't matter okay? I want you to feel like you can call on me for anything."

Peyton smiled at him, knowing that he was being sincere but not forgetting about one of the rather mammoth obstacles in their path. "Don't you have to talk to your wife about this first? I mean, I'm sure she's gonna have an opinion on all this."

At the mention of Lindsey, Lucas was left with a bittersweet twinge in his heart. Nothing had ever given him more joy than just watching his daughter sleep but even then there was a persistent anxiety in the back of his mind about the inevitable conversation he would have to have with his new wife and he had the feeling that he wasn't going to enjoy it.

-x-

Lucas pulled into the driveway of his home to see the lights were on inside, convinced he must have left them on when he rushed out two days ago after Brooke's panicked phone call, he made his way drudgingly up the steps and entered the house completely unaware of the setting his wife had prepared for him inside.

After he hung up on their phone call the day before, Lindsey had decided immediately that she wanted to get home to her husband. He had sounded so exhausted and distant and she knew that if she surprised him with a romantic meal then she would make all his worries disappear. She had quickly rescheduled all of her meetings and booked a last minute flight to North Carolina.

'Hmm' she had wondered, she still called it 'NC' or 'Tree Hill' but never 'home' because well it wasn't her home yet was it? She didn't spend enough time there, with her office in New York she was lucky if she got to spend three days of the week in her husband's home state. But she was hoping that all of that would change soon, with Lucas' new novel 'The Comet' nearing its publication date she would be free to take some time off and move back to Tree Hill on a more permanent basis. After all she knew how much Lucas craved a traditional family life and if she put her work on the backburner for a while then they could get going on starting their own family.

She had arrived back in town around lunchtime and expecting Lucas to be at the school, she'd settled herself back into the house before heading to the store to buy the ingredients for the meal, having found very little food in the cupboards. 'Men' she scoffed, knowing that every time she left town Lucas lived on whatever could be made in its packaging in under thirty minutes and whatever Haley cooked for him when he received an invitation to their house for dinner.

After she put the pot roast in the oven she started to get herself ready for Lucas' return, applying her make-up carefully and fixing her hair just the way her liked it before she slipped on a slinky blue dress that she hoped he'd rip from her body so she could show him just how much she'd missed him. She sat in the kitchen ready for him anticipating that he would come straight home after practice. And that's where she continued to sit for three hours while she waited for him, she tried ringing him four times to see where he was only to find that his phone was switched off, again.

And so her mind went to the place that it had gone to every time she hadn't known where he was for the last year, since _she_ had waltzed back into his life. Whenever he would come home from work late or stay out for an extra long run, whenever he said he was hanging out with his brother and then she would see Nathan around town without him. She never questioned him to his face, never let on her suspicions when he eventually came home which he always did. But she always wondered, always imagined that he could be with her even after Peyton had left town months ago and Lucas swore that he hadn't heard from her. But ... There was always that 'but' in her mind, Lucas had continued writing after she left, he'd finished another book. She'd been convinced that he'd only been able to write again once his elusive muse reappeared but she then left and he carried on, but did that mean that he was sneaking off to see her, is that where his inspiration still came from?

Every time those doubts filled her mind she shook them off as nothing but silly insecurities, after all he had married her, he had chosen her and he loved her. So she shook them off once again and instead she waited and let herself become consumed with panic, where on earth was he at this hour? She knew he wasn't at Nathan and Haley's as his sister-in-law had rung about an hour ago and left a message for him. She contemplated driving by the Rivercourt to see if he had stopped by there but she didn't want to miss him coming home and for her surprise to be ruined.

As the hands on the clock moved closer towards 8.30pm she accepted the fact that there would be no romantic surprise waiting for her husband when he came home, instead she was going to be giving him hell for having her worried like this.

Lucas stopped as he grasped the handle of the front door when he noticed that not only was his house lit but he could also hear notes of soft jazz playing throughout and he knew that he hadn't left any music on. Instead of stopping to think over the possibilities more he stepped straight into his home to see a few candles flickering dimly though many more were present and had been stubbed out, he could vaguely smell the remnants of roast beef in his nostrils and he saw his wife propped up at the kitchen table, a glass of red wine at her fingertips. His quick analysis of the situation led him to the conclusion that Lindsey was home early and had planned a special dinner for him which only made him feel like more of an asshole for what he was going to confess to her.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Lindsey yelled, the usual soft tones of her voice a distant memory.

"I've ... well ... I was out." Lucas searched desperately for the right words. "I didn't expect you home today." He strode forward to meet her in the kitchen.

Lindsey stood abruptly from her chair to pace across the floor. "So you decided to turn your phone off again?! You always have that thing on and keep it with you but the past couple of days I've been lucky if you've replied to my voicemails, so where have you been? And don't say the gym because I called there looking for you."

"I wasn't gonna say that ... I've been out of town."

"I know that Lucas but when I spoke to you yesterday you said that you were coming straight home, where could you have been that it took you more than a day to get back?"

Lucas' mind was travelling a mile a second trying to think of the right way to broach the subject, he thought that he'd have a couple of days to prepare what he was going to say but he couldn't stand here and fob her off with some excuses, he had to tell her the whole truth now. He knew that this could be the end of his marriage but what else could he do? Was he going to hide his daughter away from his world, to beg Peyton not to say anything to anyone whilst he buttered Lindsey up enough to come clean? If he didn't tell her now she would still find out eventually and it would be better coming from him, she deserved to find out from him and in privacy, behind closed doors where she could yell at him as much as she felt necessary.

He took a deep breath before he met her stare, those blue eyes of hers were piercing through him and he could tell that she was trying so hard to remain stern. "Linds, you should probably sit down, I've got something ... I've got several things that I need to tell you."

"Luke you're scaring me, why can't you just tell me now?" She demanded, her voice gradually breaking.

"Please sit down." He pleaded quietly.

Lindsey marched back to the table and repositioned herself in the same chair she was sat in a few minutes earlier. She leant back against the wall with her arms and legs crossed as Lucas sat across from her and then changing his mind, jumped back up to stand in front of her leaning against the doorframe.

"When I spoke to you yesterday I was in Charlotte. I was at a hospital, with Brooke and Peyton."

"Okay." Lindsey uttered as calmly as she could, the mere mention of the blonde's name threatening to send her into a fury.

"Several months ago I did something that I shouldn't have done and that I wasn't proud of. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you but I want you to know that I am so, so sorry." Lucas paused as his voice because lower and his exhalations quicker, panic setting in.

"What did you do Lucas?" She seethed though gritted teeth, part of her knowing what he wanted to confess and a bigger part of her was praying that she wasn't right.

"Before we got engaged ... I slept with Peyton."

Lindsey let out a strangled sob and her hands quickly flew to clasp across her mouth, an abundance of tears collected behind her eyes and she didn't try to stop them as they started to fall.

Lucas fell to his knees in front of her and reached out to comfort her, he couldn't bear to see any woman cry but Lindsey, the beautiful, good, caring woman who had given herself to him completely? He hated himself for being the cause of her pain.

As soon as he was within touching distance she raised her hand to slap him hard across his face. "You bastard!" She screamed. "Get the hell away from me, don't touch me!"

He stumbled backwards and could only watch as she dissolved in a river of tears, her body shaking with rage and upset. She continued to shriek obscenities at him between sobs and as she persisted her pants became shorter and shallower until she was struggling to take a breath. Eventually her breathing began to even out again and Lucas decided to resume his declaration of guilt.

"That's not the only thing I have to tell you." He waited for his wife to raise her head towards him before he began again. "Two days ago I got a call from Brooke saying that she was at the hospital with Peyton ... and that Peyton was in labour."

"Oh God, oh God, oh God." Lindsey cried, her head finding its way into her hands again as she racked with sobs.

Lucas inhaled sharply and tried to keep his tears at bay, admitting his sins to Lindsey and watching it tear her apart was even harder than he imagined it would be.

"When I got there I talked to Peyton and then she had a baby girl, my baby girl. She's my daughter Lindsey, I'm so, so sorry but she is ... she's my daughter, her name is Anna and –"

"Shut up! Do you really think I want to hear anything about her?!" Lindsey slapped her hand down so hard on the table that she was sure it would leave a red mark and got to her feet again.

"Linds, honey, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry –"

"Stop saying you're sorry you pathetic asshole, you're not sorry otherwise you wouldn't have done it!"

"But I am. I am sorry." He pleaded softly.

"Really? Well were you sorry when you were fucking her?! Were you? Did you even think about me? God you're such a shit!" She began hurling whatever came to her fingertips towards him, a dish cloth, a colander, In Style magazine, several knives and finally the now cold pot roast.

Thankfully for Lucas, none of these things hit him but they did serve the purpose of setting the scene of a destructive argument with broken glass shattered across the floor, a brown liquid dribbling down the cabinets and a smash-bang-scream soundtrack to match.

Once she had run out of things to throw she caught her breath back and carried on her rant. "Well is there any more cheerful fucking news that you have to tell me? Or is the fact that you knocked up your whore it?!"

Lucas could feel the fury radiating from her quivering body, every expletive, which she usually used so infrequently, that left her mouth reminded him just how enraged she was. Not that he was surprised of course, he knew that she'd be livid, hell she deserved to be. That's why he wanted some more time to think of what he should say, if he could just find the right words then he could make it better. But truthfully he knew that no words he could write would ever make her react any differently than she was now and in a small, rather bizarre way he was glad. This made it real for him, the past 48 hours he had been living in a hallucinatory sort of trance, the rational part of his brain telling him that everything that was going on around him couldn't possibly be happening. But he wasn't hallucinating, this was real, his daughter, Anna, was real, he had cheated on his now wife and the consequences of it were coming back to bite him in the ass – also real.

So he finished with the rest of the day's developments. "Peyton's moved back home, here, with Anna and they're living at Brooke's. And I've said that I'll be there for them both, I want to be in her life Lindsey."

She wanted so much to sigh at him because that simple action would articulate just how she felt about him and that sentence. Of course he would want to be in her life, he'd been the poor, lonely abandoned child and he'd worked his whole life to not be like his father. He worked so hard at being a good man, most of the time and that's why she loved him. Yet she couldn't even bring herself to sigh, the energy needed for such a motion had been completely drained from her over the past five minutes. So instead she sat and stared at her feet having no idea what she was supposed to say.

"So where does that leave us?" She finally questioned calmly. "If you're in their lives then where are we, where's our life?"

"We're wherever you want us to be." He answered, silently begging that she wouldn't answer in that moment because he figured that where she wanted them to be right then wasn't anywhere good.

Lucas had remained standing on the other side of the room whilst Lindsey stared downwards for thirty minutes before his legs started to ache. He pushed himself off of the counter and went to fill the kettle, "Linds, do you want tea?"

"Tea?" She replied weakly as if she had forgotten to speak during their silence. "Yeah sure. Time of crisis, make some tea, that's the stereotype right?"

"Is that what this is, a crisis?" Lucas posed somewhat boldly as he began pouring sugar into two mugs.

"I don't see how this can realistically be anything else Luke. I can't shout right now, I just can't. But that doesn't mean that the fight's over, it's just that I need some time to process all this. It's a hell of a lot."

"I know." He nodded. "But off the top of your head right now do you think that we can move past this because I'll do anything it takes to make this better honey, I promise."

"You got a time machine?" She almost joked to which Lucas went to let out a chuckle and then realising his mistake, went back to making the tea. "I mean that way you could go back to eighth grade, not fall in love with Peyton and then we could live happily ever after." She smiled spitefully at him and then her melancholy state overwhelmed her again and her face fell. "Sounds perfect doesn't it?"

"Lindsey ..." He offered without knowing where he wanted to take that sentence.

"Don't please, just let me talk." She raised her hand to silence him.

Lindsey found the strength to stand once more and taking the cup of tea that Lucas held out for her, she sat atop the table and took a large sip.

"You know that first time we met, I took you to that bar so you could meet some of the publishing execs?"

He nodded knowingly and echoed her stance by hopping up onto the countertop.

"I had spent that entire day enthralled by you. I mean I had read the book and I loved it, I felt it y'know really felt it? It moved me. But when I met you it hit me just how passionately you felt about each and every one of those words. I've met a lot of writers and a good chunk of them can write from the heart, they can write something that will make you laugh or cry or just understand but not one of them really _felt_ the words. No one except you, every time you put pen to paper you leave a little piece of your soul there to mark the page and it shows Luke it really does, it's that little extra something in a novel that means you'll touch thousands instead of hundreds. You'll pull them in and keep them hooked, not because it's tantalising but because it's _real_. And it was real, to you. It was real the day you started writing it, it was real the day that we published the book together and it's still real now as you stand there trying to deny those famous words that will be quoted for years to come by teenage girls desperate for the indescribable true love that you somehow managed to describe oh so eloquently. You meant it all then and even though you might not say it anymore your heart still means it now."

Lucas did nothing but wait as Lindsey tried to reorganise her thoughts, he had promised that he would let her talk and so he'd wait until she was finished even though it killed him to hear what she was saying. Almost all of it was an incredible compliment to him and to an extent it was moving for him but he knew that that's not how she intended it. She was laying out all of her doubts and insecurities for him to see and she was admitting that she'd had them since day one. If it's true, he couldn't help but wonder, then how on earth did we end up here three years later?

No sound floated around the room bar the ticking of the wall clock and the light exhalations of the husband and wife, mere metres apart in distance and yet living in different worlds.

Lindsey was the one to break the stillness.

"You really did throw me off kilter that day and then every other day over that next year. I couldn't believe that I had met this boy who was not only capable of so much love but who wasn't afraid to express it and share it with anyone who would listen. You were so brave, so sensitive and so vulnerable that I just allowed myself to fall in love with you. After all who wouldn't? The love that you were vowing was what every single person on this planet wants, to be adored by someone so utterly devoted to you. That's what I wanted, that's what I still want. I just keep thinking why, why, why didn't it sink in that you would never love me that way?"

Lucas opened his mouth to speak and she immediately hushed him again.

"Don't tell me that you love me Lucas, you don't need to, I know that you love me. And I love you too. I know that when you say you're sorry that you mean it, you're sorry that you've hurt me but it isn't enough anymore Luke. I know that you're feeling guilty and you should, but I can't be here while you try to figure out how to deal with it."

"What are you saying?" He uttered croakily once he sensed she was finished.

"I'm saying that I'm going to head back to New York in the morning and that I'll be staying there for a while. You'll stay here with your daughter."

"So this is like a break?"

"It's a separation."


	6. Chapter 6

Lucas exhaled lightly as he hung up the phone, relief spreading through his body. Explaining the situation to his mother had gone much better than he expected. After many 'uh-huhs', 'ohs' and 'rights' she had informed him that she would return to Tree Hill within the week with Lily and Andy in tow to meet her new granddaughter. He could hear her disappointment in him in her voice but thankfully she didn't go into one of her sanctimonious lectures that as his mother are one of her rights, he had a feeling that she was saving that for when they would be face to face.

He had decided to use the 'three point confession' as it would come to be known that worked so brilliantly with Lindsey. Number one, 'I slept with Peyton while Lindsey and I were together'. Number two, 'She became pregnant and just gave birth to our daughter'. And finally number three, 'The two of them are living in Tree Hill and I'm going to be a hands-on dad'. It didn't matter how many times he said it to himself, it still sounded ridiculous.

So that was two down, now he had to turn his attention to his brother and sister-in law who he knew would be absolutely furious with him and also which worried him far more, with Peyton too. He didn't need anyone to tell him that Peyton had made a huge mistake in keeping the pregnancy a secret from him, that this was going to irreversibly altar his marriage to Lindsey and that they shouldn't have slept together in the first place, he knew all that. He also knew that being the mother of a newborn was taking a lot of out of her and that judgement from Haley, who had become uncharacteristically 'anti-Peyton' of late, was not going to be especially helpful. And although Nathan had always been a closet supporter of the Lucas and Peyton love train, he was a smart guy who wasn't going to disagree with his wife, so Lucas wasn't relying on him for back-up either. And then there was Jamie who without doubt would have a thousand questions about where baby Anna had come from, what it meant to be a cousin and why his Uncle Lucas had a baby with 'cool, weird' Peyton rather than his new Aunt Lindsey.

Yeah, he definitely wasn't looking forward to this conversation. But, he reminded himself it can't go any worse than the first one, can it?

-x-

Peyton let her head rest back on the headboard as she held her now almost week old daughter in her arms as she nursed. This feeling was so perfect and soothing that she could have so easily dozed off if it weren't for Brooke's frequent yells of "5,6,7,8. Up, down, around!" as she worked out to her latest fitness DVD in the living room.

In all honestly she would have liked nothing better than to sleep through Nathan and Haley's impending visit, they were due to arrive any minute now and she was not looking forward to it. She had missed both her friends like crazy these past eight months, especially after not seeing them for three years before that but she knew that this visit would most likely not be a joyous reunion, at least not with her former music buddy.

She was supposed to be happy at the thought of finally getting to show her baby off and looking on in pride as coos of 'isn't she beautiful' echo around. But she wasn't getting her hopes up of getting that from her high school friend, judging from what Lucas had said about how he had told Haley and her subsequent walking out and Haley's attitude towards her when she had first returned home, Peyton was preparing herself for a good old fashioned getting yelled at. And she deserved it, she knew she did, but not from Haley.

It was still a mystery why Lucas had remained so calm towards her, they'd barely spoken a cross word to one other, shocking really considering the amount of sleep they were both running on. Anna was beginning her life as a rather happy and peaceful baby, waking every few hours for a feed but other than that sleeping wonderfully and Peyton couldn't believe her luck. It was of course her new maternal paranoia which kept her up at night, stirring at every gurgle that Anna made or any gust of wind that blew against her window. She reminded herself that he dad had once told her something quite similar about her mom and she felt proud that she was comparable to her.

Lucas had fallen asleep on Brooke's couch on two occasions so far and much akin to Peyton was kept awake by the same concerns, on the other times that he had gone home for the night he assured her that he still lay alert in bed just in case she needed him.

It was sweet really, in some ways they were just like any other new parents without a clue how to handle this but still somehow getting by, except for the adulterous conception and the fact that we're not raising her together, she thought.

She opened her eyes to look at Anna who had apparently decided that she'd had enough lunch for now and was now falling asleep to the hum of her mother's heartbeat. She really could have stayed in that place forever, she was convinced that there was nothing more perfect than a moment of stillness with her baby daughter asleep in her arms.

Unfortunately her peace was broken by a knock at the door and Brooke's subsequent cry of "P. Sawyer, Luke's here!"

With a rather loud sigh Peyton stood up from the bed and laid Anna down in her crib so that she could re-button her shirt and pulled a loose cardigan over her shoulders too. After satisfying herself with the fact that Anna was still sound asleep she exited her bedroom, picking up the baby monitor on her way out and closing the door softly behind her.

As she entered the open plan living area Lucas stepped towards her to give her a customary kiss on the cheek and Brooke ran upstairs to shower.

"Hey, how you feeling today? Is Anna napping?" He smiled at her through weary eyes.

"Yeah she is, and I'm good, a little tired but okay. Not really looking forward to this if I'm honest." She replied whilst tucking stray curls behind her ears.

"It's not gonna be that bad, I spoke to Haley a little while ago, they should be here any minute. They're not mad honestly ... well not at you."

Peyton sighed and threw her head back. "I just really don't want anyone to take this out on Anna, I want them to accept her still."

"They will." Lucas answered reassuringly. "Hey, you know what I told you about speaking to my mom, she was shocked but she's still thrilled to be a grandmother. I mean I'm gonna get an ass-kicking from her tomorrow and probably Nathan too in about five minutes but you don't need to worry about it. I promise that they'll all love Anna, I mean who wouldn't? And if they are mad they won't be taking it out on you, I will get the brunt of it and I should. Everything's gonna be okay, alright?"

Peyton nodded weakly before the chime of the doorbell rang again and both their eyes flew to the door. "Well it appears that our ass-kicking has arrived." She quipped with a quirked eyebrow.

Lucas laughed under his breath. "I'll get it."

Peyton turned to take a deep breath and gather her thoughts as she heard Lucas open the door and the unmistakable sound of three extra pairs of footsteps entering the house. She spun back around and came face to face with, as Brooke calls them, 'Naley plus one' being led to the couches by an uncomfortable looking Lucas. They were all staring back at her and she had a sudden urge to run and lock herself in the bathroom.

She received a look of slight surprise from Haley as if she didn't quite believe it to be true however much to Peyton's relief her general demeanour didn't come off as hostile. Nathan was nervous she could tell, his knee was shaking and his eyes darted around the room, when they did find hers again however he gave her a small reassuring smile. Before she had a chance to return it she was accosted by Jamie's loud cry.

"Peyton!" He yelped. "Where's your baby?"

The group of adults let out a nervous collective laugh, trust the five year old to get right to the crux of things.

"She's sleeping right now so we might have to keep our voices down for a bit." Peyton placed a finger on her lips to emphasise the point to the overexcited boy.

"Oh, okay." Jamie whispered, placing a finger to his lips too.

"So ..." Peyton drew another breath. "Who wants coffee or we have tea? Or y'know vodka?"

"Peyton," Haley started towards her at which Peyton hesitantly went to take a step back. Haley pulled her in for a hug, and although it took her a second Peyton reciprocated realising that the brunette wasn't intending to intimidate her. "I missed you buddy." She murmured in her friend's ear.

Peyton broke into a smile, choosing to laugh rather than cry. "I missed you too."

Both Scott brothers relaxed upon witnessing the scene, apparently they were both expecting a catfight.

Nathan and Haley had battled over this subject for three days now, with Haley wanting nothing more than to storm the house and give both Lucas and Peyton a piece of her mind, thankfully Nathan had convinced her to wait until she had calmed down a little and when Lucas had called to invite them over to meet his new daughter, he saw it as the perfect opportunity for them to offer their support. And they would be supportive, he had had to persuade his wife, as he knew that deep down buried beneath the fury, she was happy for her best friend.

The women released from the hug and Haley was the first to speak. "So my niece is sleeping huh? Can I see her?"

Peyton nodded. "Of course, she's just in the bedroom. It might be better if Jamie stayed out here for a minute ..."

"Yeah of course. Jamie," she redirected her attention to her son who was now kneeling in front of the coffee table and playing with Brooke's faux flowers. "You stay out here with your dad, why don't you tell Uncle Lucas about what happened at the zoo yesterday?"

Peyton led Haley into her bedroom and Haley's eyes went directly to a slumbering Anna, tightly wrapped beneath her blankets. She took in Anna's round, rosy cheeks and the tuft of dark blonde hair that already lay on her head. Her tiny fists were balled up and sat on either side of her head and she was sucking ever so softly on a pink pacifier.

"Oh Peyton, she's so beautiful." Haley breathed, desperate not to make too much noise. "I just can't believe it, she's just so ... wow." Of course there was a part of her that had wanted to get Peyton alone so that she could give her a good talking to without Lucas or Nathan coming to her defence, but one look at her week-old niece and Haley was smitten. And besides, she'd been the mother of a newborn and after seeing the exhaustion etched on Peyton's features she could tell that her friend didn't have that much fight left in her right now.

"I know, she's my little miracle." Peyton sighed, running a finger across Anna's cheek.

"Look what you did. You did good, she's amazing." Haley stroked the baby's head tenderly and then leaned up to beam at Peyton. "And so are you girly, you're amazing too. I can't believe you did this on your own. I mean, you shouldn't have done." Her words were scolding but her tone wasn't. "I wish you would have told us. We, I, I would have helped you. I would've wanted to help you."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do. I know that I've screwed everything up regardless but I really did think this was the better way."

"I know you did, I just wish that you hadn't shut us out. It's just that now ... it's not that it's all screwed up, how could it be when you have this beautiful little girl? It's just really, really complicated, with Lindsey and everything. Lucas said that she's gone back to New York."

"Yeah, he doesn't know if she'll forgive him."

"Do you want her to?"

Haley was trying to seek out her true intentions, Peyton could tell and she wasn't falling for that one. "I just want him to be happy."

Haley nodded, satisfied with her answer, for now. "Well I think you've done a good job then because he's definitely over the moon about this one." She cocked her head towards Anna.

Peyton smiled unconsciously. "We both are."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments before Haley broke it. "I just want to hold her so much but I don't want to wake her."

"She shouldn't be asleep for long, she's only been napping for like twenty minutes after her feeds usually, then she wakes up for about an hour and then she's out like a light again."

Haley stood back and beamed at her friend. "You light up when you talk about her you know that? It's been a long time since I've seen you this happy, actually I don't think I've ever seen you this happy. It looks good on you."

Peyton smiled as a memory of her and Lucas lying on her bed took over. "Yeah well it's about time right."

"Yeah. And that look's one of the only things that's stopping me from ripping you a new one right now so I'd keep smiling if I were you." Haley muttered knowingly and somewhat jokingly. "Why don't we go back out there and get some tea, I'll come back for a cuddle once she's woken up."

"Sure, we can't leave the boys alone for too long anyway, they'll be playing basketball with Brooke's ornaments if we're not careful."

Nathan followed his brother into the kitchen as Lucas went to put on a pot of coffee. The younger of the brothers shuffled his feet loudly in an attempt to get Lucas' attention, he knew he was the one who had to initiate 'the talk' but that didn't mean that he wanted to. If it was up to him he'd beat his brother's ass on the court all the while yelling obscenities at him and Lucas would defend himself, weakly Nathan noted, on both counts. The game and the argument would be over and they could move on, that's how men fight he had emphasised to Haley. His wife had other ideas and told him in no uncertain terms that as his brother and a father himself, it was his responsibility to get some sense out of Lucas.

"So you gonna cut the crap with me and tell me what really happened?" Nathan demanded, hopping up on one of the stools.

Lucas spun around to face his brother. "What?"

"Come on, the girls aren't here, Jamie's out of earshot, so what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know what to tell you Nate. I made a mistake and I know you want to kick my ass for cheating on Lindsey but it happened and now I have a daughter, that's where we are right now. I don't actually have the mind space to process anything more than that at the moment."

"That's not what I mean and you know it and for the record Haley is the one who wants to kick your ass for cheating on Lindsey, I'm _going_ to kick your ass for whatever it is you did to Peyton that made her keep her pregnancy a secret and leave town."

Lucas sighed heavily and slammed the milk carton down on the counter in frustration. "Nate, don't give me that –"

"No, you're gonna listen to this!" Nathan growled and then lowered his voice when he saw Jamie watching them. "I'm not trying to ignore Lindsey in all of this, she's your wife and I get that but when exactly did you stop being the guy who would walk on water for Peyton Sawyer? In all the time that I have known you, if that girl has asked you for something or needed you in any way you've been there, screw everybody else, it always comes down to her for you. How exactly did that change when you slept with her but then still married Lindsey? What the hell was going on in your head?"

Lucas stared in disbelief at his brother who met his gaze head on. When pressed, Nathan had always had an almost brotherly instinct to protect Peyton in some way but Lucas had never known him to so blatantly take her side. Not that there were sides in all this mess, Lucas believed, and even if there were, him and Peyton weren't on opposite ones.

He spoke earnestly but also quietly so Jamie would not hear him. "Nate, I just, I really don't know. It was like everything in my head was telling me that Lindsey was the right choice, she was the simple choice. And the other part of me, the part that just wanted Peyton, it came from a deeper place than that. It's the same place that has led me into all this shit before ... and I couldn't shake the feeling that Peyton said 'no' and I finally had a girl who wanted to say 'yes'. So when I had the choice between what felt right but hard and what felt less right but easy; I did what I usually do and tried to have both. Look where that's left me. So in a nutshell, that is what was going on in my head."

Nathan nodded at his older brother and was about to reply when the energetic sound of Brooke's footsteps came down the stairs and Haley and Peyton emerged from the bedroom.

"Look who it is, it's my favourite little man!" Brooke squealed as she picked Jamie up underneath his arms and spun him around. He dissolved into giggles as his godmother tickled him.

"Aunt Brooke, stop! I can't ... hehehe ... breathe!" Jamie finished shrieking as the brunette placed him back down again.

"And look who else it is, Naley," she extended an arm towards the married couple, "and Leyton." She winked at Peyton who shot her a vicious glare in return, how she hated that couple nickname.

"Hello to you too Brooke." Haley smirked at her, desperately trying to keep in all the 'WTF?!s' that she wanted to put to them all.

"So what's the word on the street, what're we all talking about?" Brooke teased as she walked towards the other adults who were all lingering around the kitchen.

The four of them all turned to her with rolled eyes and a raised eyebrow, only Brooke Davis would try and make light of the current situation.

"Oh come on people, it's called 'humour' and we all have it, even you Luke." She bumped shoulders with him as she went to open the refrigerator. "Was someone making coffee?"

"Yeah actually that was me, I'll finish up if you all wanna sit, and we can talk and catch up." Lucas replied. Peyton bit on her bottom lip nervously and Haley looked to Nathan as she was lost for a conversation starter.

"So ..." Nathan began, "Bobcats really suck this season huh?"

At this, the women made their way to the couches and Brooke started to gab on about the new line for Clothes over Bros and the brothers joined them with coffee and cake for the adults and juice and cookies for Jamie.

They spent the next couple of hours there, just chatting and gossiping like they did when they were younger. Once Anna had woken up she was passed around like a serving plate with everyone having their allotted time for an introduction and cuddles. Just for a short while they ignored the judgments and fears they had for the new parents and let themselves celebrate the fact that two of their best friends had had a beautiful daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Sorry that it's been a while since I updated, I'm trying to keep on top of this story by writing ahead and the next couple of chapters but one, have me flummoxed so it's taken forever! Thanks for all the reviews for the past few updates, you guys rock! Lyrics are 'Gravity' by Embrace and I don't own them, although I wish I did because this song owns my soul.

_Honey, It's been a long time coming  
And I can't stop now  
Such a long time running  
And I can't stop now  
Do you hear my heart beating  
Can you hear that sound  
Cause I can't help thinking  
And I don't look down_

Peyton sluggishly lifted her head from Lucas' shoulder and through bleary eyes she saw the credits of 'The X Files' rolling. Turning back towards a slumbering Lucas, she saw his eyes closed lazily and his breaths were being drawn deep and slow. She had her arm resting on his thigh and his arm was draped over her shoulder, he looked peaceful and dare she say it, content? He was only dozing as she had been and she knew that, she knew that any minute now he would wake up and they'd go back to coexisting effectively whilst dodging any real conversation about the two of them.

Peyton had tried to avoid broaching the subject of his wife to Lucas because she could see how torn up about it he was. She couldn't bear to see him pulling himself to pieces over his guilt, especially seeing as she had had a part in it. The only way forward that she could perceive was for Lucas and Lindsey to reconcile and as much as she knew her heart would break every time she saw them together, she convinced herself that it would be worth it to see him happy.

With that in mind, she constructed with much editing and use of the delete button, an e-mail to Lindsey as she was sure that if she rang her that the woman would hang up on her.

_**'Lindsey -**_

_**I know that you won't believe me but I want to say that I'm sorry.**_

_**I mean I'm not entirely sorry for what happened because otherwise I wouldn't have Anna and she is the most amazing, beautiful thing in my life and I would never take her back.**_

_**But I am sorry that my actions have ended up hurting you because you're such a good person and you don't deserve this.**_

_**You're just a much better woman than I am and you're a much better wife to him than I ever would have made, he deserves better than me, he deserves you.**_

_**I know that he betrayed you but if you can find it in your heart to forgive him it will be so worth it okay, because he is such a wonderful man and he loves you so much.**_

_**And I promise that I will make our situation, Anna and I, I'll make it fit around the two of you, whatever you need.**_

_**Just let yourself love him again and he'll love you so much in return, I don't know how else to say it except that he loves you Lindsey, so much.**_

_**- Peyton.'**_

Peyton hadn't known what to expect after she hit 'send'. After all, were a few choice words from her really going to persuade Lindsey to forgive her husband's indiscretion? Apparently not, no, judging from the reply she got a few minutes later.

**_'Just not as much as he loves you.'_**

It didn't matter how many times she heard that from other people, she wasn't going to allow herself to believe it until she saw any sign of that statement from Lucas himself.

She'd gotten used to seeing him every day, eating her meals with him and sometimes falling asleep next to him on the couch and waking up to find him in the kitchen making breakfast. They'd make small talk over the morning paper and of course they would gush for hours over their newborn but they never really _talked_. He'd offered her no update on his marital status, she presumed that Lindsey was still out of town from the amount of time that he spent at their house but she had no clue as to his intentions for his marriage or towards her. He was still almost sickly pleasant to her, never raising his voice and showering her with frequent compliments regarding her mothering of Anna, but he hadn't told her once how he felt about her. He hadn't even given her an 'I like you' let alone an 'I missed you' or anything else.

She wanted to believe that the way he was around her was for her and for who she was, rather than the fact that she was the mother of his child but she knew that wasn't true. If it weren't for their daughter, he'd be ignoring her much like before and she'd still be wallowing in her heartbreak.

But if only in this moment, they were here together, she thought, falling asleep on the couch together after watching a movie, whilst their baby slept peacefully in the next room. Though they weren't quite cuddling, they were close and comfortable. Just for a minute it felt like they were a real couple, like they were ... Lucas and Peyton.

Lucas woke from his dream to find the right side of the couch he was sitting on, unoccupied. He could hear Peyton moving around in her bedroom, no doubt checking on Anna who judging by the lack of cries and whimpers, Lucas assumed to still be sleeping. His arm was stretched out across the back of the couch from where he had left it around Peyton's form; now that the space was vacant it felt undeniably ... empty to him. Like she was supposed to be there, she fit perfectly there curled up beside him. Except she wasn't the one who should be beside him anymore. He had a wife now and she was who he _should _be sleeping next to, so why was he not with his wife and instead with his ... with his Peyton.

That had been the question posed to him by his mother when she had returned a few weeks ago. She didn't yell at or berate him, all she did was ask him 'why?' and for the life of him he just could not give her an answer.

He didn't know, he just didn't know. That seemed to be his answer to most questions lately and he hated that. He wanted so badly to _know_, to know what he was doing, what he was feeling and what on earth he was going to do from here on out; but he had absolutely no clue. He was supposedly 'playing it by ear' even though he's always thought that to be a ridiculous way to live your life. Lucas wanted to know exactly where he stood with Peyton and where he stood with Lindsey and since the latter was ignoring all of his phone calls he presumed that he better start off with Peyton.

He craned his neck and saw her make her way into the kitchen, investigating the contents of the fruit bowl.

"Hey you, you're awake." Peyton greeted him once she felt Lucas' eyes on her. "What are your thoughts on these oranges huh? They've been here for about a week but do you reckon they're still good?"

Lucas was momentarily lost in the movement of Peyton's curves as she glided towards him, she had already lost any weight that she had gained during the pregnancy and Anna was barely a month old. Well maybe not all the weight, he couldn't help but notice that her breasts were certainly fuller and thanks to the heat of the Indian summer they were experiencing, she had been sporting a series of tank tops that showed them off quite nicely. Not that he had been looking, of course.

"Umm, sorry what?" He shook his head to do away with the thoughts that had once again entered his mind as Peyton looked at him, puzzled. "Oh the oranges, yeah I think they're fine, I saw Brooke have one earlier. Where is she by the way?"

Peyton shrugged as she repositioned herself on the couch. "Out. On a date I think, with Owen. Or it could be with one of the guys she's using to make Owen jealous. I feel awful, half the things she tells me I forget within the next five minutes." She threw her head back against the cushions.

"I really wouldn't worry about it, it's just because you're tired and besides if there's anything that Brooke wants you to know I'm sure that she will go out of her way to make sure you remember." He smiled at her as she turned her head towards him.

"That's true." She half-smiled back.

"Do you want me to peel that for you or ...?" Lucas offered, noticing the still intact orange that lay in her palm.

"Nah, you have it if you want, I think I'm too tired to eat." She let out a sigh and allowed her eyes to close blissfully.

"Why don't you go and lie down then, I mean it's almost nine, for some this is bedtime."

"Yeah well not for me, Anna will be up within the half hour for a feed and then hopefully she'll be down for a good few hours, so I guess I'll sleep then."

Lucas patted his knee anxiously as he struck up his nerve. "So ... you said you're too tired to eat but ... are you too tired to talk?"

She gave him a weary look through furrowed eyebrows. "No I guess not ... what's up?"

"Nothing really, well no it is something ... actually it's everything."

Peyton pursed her lips while she waited for him to continue.

"We haven't really had a chance to talk things through. Or rather we have had plenty of chances and we've just let them pass by. It's just been playing on my mind a bit and we should probably set a few things straight."

"Yeah I know, it's been on my mind too." She sat up against the side of the couch to face him and waved her hair out of her face. "You start."

Lucas rubbed his hands together in his lap as he searched for the right words. "Well I guess my main concern is that we both agree on Anna, that is where she's going to live and how we're gonna raise her because I want to be involved. I really do and I don't want the fact that we're not together right now to get in the way of that. I said that you can call on me for anything and I meant it, I still do mean it."

"Okay." Peyton nodded slowly. What did he mean when he said 'we're not together right now'? Does he want us to be together again, or was he talking about when we were together before? Or does he not even mean the relationship, is he talking about the night we slept together? But surely that's part of our relationship ...

She must have been staring off into space as these worries piled on top of each other in her mind because when she came back down to earth, Lucas was giving her a very strange look.

"Sorry, umm ... what were you saying?" She said as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

"I just mean that I'm more than happy for Anna to be here with you, you are her mother after all and she needs you. But I also want to know that you'll stay here, in Tree Hill with her and that if you do want to leave then you'll talk to me about it first. I know that that might seem a lot to ask given the circumstances ..."

"Luke, it's not too much to ask. I don't want you to worry about me taking Anna away from you, she needs her father too. I may not have been the one who called you to the delivery room that day but I did want you there ... I do want you here." Peyton paused to take a breath, she didn't want to overwhelm him, or herself, with too much sentimentality. "It means a lot to me that you're standing by us and by me. I just want you to know that."

He curled his lips upwards to form a shy smile. "I do know."

"So do you mind answering a question of mine too?" She wrinkled her nose uneasily and when he nodded she relaxed somewhat.

"What's going on with Lindsey, are you guys still together or what? You never really told me what she said when you told her about us."

He knew that when she said 'us' that she meant herself and Anna but he couldn't help but wonder if unconsciously she also meant the two of them.

"I don't know, she doesn't return my phone calls. Since she left for New York, which was what three and a bit weeks ago, I have gotten one call and an e-mail and both were along the lines of she's not ready to talk about it yet and when she is I'll know." He shrugged heavily. "It's not looking good, she hasn't officially filed for separation yet but I think that's where we're headed."

Peyton nodded and ignoring every instinct that she had to pull her poor, defeated boy into her arms she just looked at him with deep, sad eyes as she told him. "I'm sorry."

He understood that she meant it but he really wished that she didn't, if Peyton still wanted to be with him, if there was one thing in this mess that was still what it used to be when it was good then maybe there was a way back. Lucas was beginning to understand that there would never be a way back, there is only forward.

"So can I ask, if she did come back and you went back to living the married life with her, where does that leave Anna? Do you think that Lindsey would accept her?"

"Honestly Peyton, I don't know. And every time I think about it, it just makes me realise that there's probably no point in wondering because I'm almost positive that when I next see my wife it'll be when she's handing me divorce papers ... and it's not like I don't deserve it." He finished quietly.

"Luke ..." she soothed, "I didn't mean for this to happen and I'm so sorry if this is my fault."

Lucas studied Peyton with his cool blue eyes; he took in her creased brow, strained eyes and the way that she was chewing on her bottom lip, all signs of worry. Whatever he said to her next was either going to alleviate her fears or elevate them. He had no desire to propel her into a flurry of emotions but he had no choice, this was his window and if he wanted to be honest now was the time.

"Peyton, honey," he led with and his use of the sweet pet name both calmed and excited her. "This is not your fault, it is all on me. I tried to let go of you and just be with Lindsey, I thought I could and that was foolish of me because in all the time I've known you, I've never let go of you. For better or worse, you're a part of me. Although lately it seems like all it's been its worse ..." He trailed off.

Peyton let go of her knees and scooted closer to Lucas, placing her hand over his. "I know." Those two words were loaded with all the sympathy, concern, frustration, gratitude, anger, love and empathy that she was feeling for him in that particular moment and what she had been feeling for him for the last four years and so they came out in a sort of whispered groan. She was exhausted and she was scared and all she wanted was for Lucas to envelop her in his arms and give her that feeling of security and home that only he could give her.

He didn't. Instead he squeezed her hand thankfully and spoke with a smile. "Hopefully we'll have more of the better from now on, now that we have our amazing daughter ... which I will never stop loving you for, giving me her."

She inhaled sharply and felt tears prickling behind her eyes, it wasn't exactly the declaration of love that if she was honest she had been hoping for since he arrived at the hospital but she was going to take it anyway. Because it was _something_ and therefore contrary to everything he had tried to tell her, they weren't nothing, she wasn't nothing. They were definitely something.

"The feeling's mutual." She breathed, meeting his eyes which were scrutinizing her again and Peyton knew that if he looked at her for any longer he would be able to see everything that she was just barely holding in from him.

Luckily for her, Anna chose that moment to let out a cry from the baby monitor. Both the parents' eyes immediately flew to the closed bedroom door, the instinct to protect and provide for their child surpassing their want for each other.

"I'll get her." Peyton uttered.

"No let me, why don't you get yourself ready for bed?" He placed his hand on her arm to halt her and though he was gentle they both felt 'the bolt', that surge of energy that rushes through you when you touch someone in a moment of physical and/or emotional intensity, when you both feel it and you both know it's there and it's not going away. It was the bolt that you feel when you really and truly connect with someone.

It was still there. Their connection. Their bond. They were back. And they both knew it.

_Baby, It's been a long time waiting  
Such a long, long time  
And I can't stop smiling  
No I can't stop now_

Peyton entered her bedroom to find Lucas rocking Anna back and forth in his arms, he was lost in his little girl's eyes and didn't even hear Peyton come in.

She paused and leaned against the doorframe, she loved catching glimpses of the two together and seeing the tenderness with which Lucas treats their daughter. Peyton had always known him to be caring and sensitive but even she had never envisaged him to be such a doting father, when he's with Anna he acts like he's in a whole other world. If it were any other female in the world eliciting this kind of behaviour from him she was sure that she'd be exceedingly jealous but the sight of her daughter being held in her father's embrace gave her a feeling of nothing but bliss.

"So, no lullaby tonight?" Peyton joked as she threw her dirty clothes in the hamper behind her door and alerted Lucas to her presence.

"Oh hey, no not since you mocked my last efforts; somehow I don't think our little girl will be hearing many lullabies from me." He laughed softly, careful not to disturb Anna from her almost slumber.

"Well I'm sorry, even I don't think that The Clash is ideal music for sending a child to sleep. Besides, its bedtime stories that are going to be your forte anyway." They shared a smile before she lowered her gaze to her daughter who she could tell was a couple of minutes from being dead to the world.

Peyton moved to the edge of her bed and sunk onto it neatly. "So how are they coming anyway, your 'stories'? Does being a dad make you want to write children's stuff? What are you working on at the minute?"

"Actually my new novel's about to be released in about a week, there was talk for a while of maybe doing a book tour but that's not happening now ... which is just as well because I don't think I could bear to leave this beautiful girl."

"Wow, I knew you were having trouble writing for a little bit so congratulations. What's it about?"

"Huh?" He feigned ignorance.

"Your novel, what's it about?" Peyton looked up at him expectantly.

Lucas continued to sway Anna as he racked his brain for the right way to describe it. He guessed that he could just use the official blurb on the back cover because portraying it as a simple story about a boy and a comet sounded lame. Then again stating that 'it's about you' wasn't going to sound much better, after all it didn't convince him the first dozen times he heard it from Haley, Brooke and later from Lindsey. Yeah it was probably better that she figured that detail out for herself.

"It's about lost love and lost belief. It's about longing and yearning. It's about finding the one rare thing in life that puts everything in perspective for you so it all makes sense. And it's all sort of wrapped up in this astronomy metaphor which sounds a little bizarre ... but I have a feeling that you'll get it when you read it."

_And then I looked up at the sun and I could see  
Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me  
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky  
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I_

They locked eyes and Peyton could feel that just talking about this book with her made him vulnerable. "I'm sure I will." She murmured as she watched Lucas lay Anna down in her crib and tuck her in lovingly.

"She's probably down for a good few hours now, I think you're safe to try and get some sleep." Lucas advised as he turned around to face Peyton.

"Yeah, you're right. I should try to get some shut-eye when I can, I've been looking like crap for the past month." She muttered whilst scooting over to the other side of the bed and climbing in, nestling herself beneath the covers.

"No you haven't, you look more beautiful than ever." He reassured, a gorgeous smile adorning his face as he took in her porcelain skin and golden locks that were illuminated perfectly by the moonlight streaming through the window.

They kept the near seductive eye contact going for a good half a minute before Peyton began to blush self-consciously and so Lucas broke his stare.

"Anyway, it's pretty late so I should get going." He started off towards the door.

"Luke, wait." He froze at her command. "Did you want to stay here tonight, with me, with us?"

He squinted at her quizzically and pointed down to the floor with his index finger. "You mean 'here' here?"

Peyton nodded in reply and gestured to the right side of the bed, his side. "There's plenty of room and it's not like we haven't shared a bed before."

Lucas brought his arms up to cross over on his chest and surveyed the warm expression on Peyton's face, trying to decide if that would be the smartest thing to do. Of course he wanted to spend the night with her, to sleep beside her and no doubt wake up with her in his arms as she was renowned for instinctively curling up against his body as she slept, even in the days when they were 'just friends'. But on the other hand would he be taking advantage of her susceptibility, she'd been unbelievably exhausted not to mention lonely and was certainly in need of comfort and that's what she was doing, asking him to comfort her. And as Nathan had demanded from him, who was he to say 'no' to Peyton Sawyer?

"Yeah, I'd like to stay." He answered. Removing his shirt to reveal a white wife beater, he paused before deciding to take off his jeans as well and tossed the clothing over a nearby chair.

Hesitantly he peeled back the covers and slipped in next to Peyton, and expecting the moment to be awkward she surprised him by simply whispering "Goodnight" before she closed her eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around her. Relaxing, Lucas sunk further into the bed and whispered his own farewell as he also allowed his eyes to fall and for sleep to take over his body.

Some hours later, Peyton was woken by the sound of her daughter's soft cries. She sat up in bed but before she could take a step on the floor she was cut off by Lucas' insistence.

"Don't worry, I'll see to her, you go back to sleep."

She didn't try to argue as Lucas untangled his legs from hers and quickly flew from the bed to Anna's side before swooping her into his arms and determining that she needed a feed.

"Don't worry," he repeated, "I'll use one of the expressed bottles. You go back to sleep." He planted a soft kiss on the top of her head and left the room before Peyton could reply.

Oh yes, she thought as she heard him open the fridge and the beeping of the microwave buttons, she had definitely chosen the right man to be the father of her child. Now she just wondered how long this picture perfect routine would last ...

_Can you hear my heart beating  
Can you hear that sound  
Cause I can't help crying  
And I won't look down_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to update, between starting a new story and a new job, my muse for this story left for a little while, but it's back. And now I have a horrendous cold which makes me a right grumpy bi-otch but fortunately also make me write. Thank you all so much for the reviews, they really do inspire me to continue and I love that people are enjoying this story. Again, I'm so sorry that I made you wait for this chapter that I've actually had written for ages. Enjoy!

-x-

Lucas tapped his foot impatiently and rapped his knuckles on the wooden desk. He glanced again at the clock on the wall which established that she was now twenty minutes late. She was the one who insisted that they meet here in his office as opposed to the house, she was the one who decided upon the time and he didn't know how much longer he could wait for her with his nerves and insecurities plaguing his mind.

Lindsey had called him the previous day to inform him that she had made her decision and that because she wanted to talk to him in person, she would be flying to Tree Hill the next morning. She had asked him to meet her at the school at two o'clock and then after a pause told him to make sure he came alone, as if this was some sort or drug deal.

In knew that he had no right to feel impatient because he was currently playing the role of the adulterous husband and that in turn gave Lindsey the right to demand whatever she wanted from him. But weeks of raising a newborn and the accumulating tension he had with her mother were taking their toll on him and he was getting closer and closer to breaking point.

He wanted to fight for his marriage, to beg for his wife's forgiveness but in his heart he realized that all the fight he had left in him dissipated the night he confessed the truth to her. He had managed to ignore her preaching about his 'never-ending' love for Peyton time and time again but it started to dawn on him that night that if his wife, his best friend and his mother could apparently see it then why couldn't he? And now that he was realising his dream of having a family with her, he saw that this was the only way he wanted it to be.

When he imagined having a child with Lindsey now the vision was always tainted, there was something so obviously imperfect about it in his mind and what spoiled it was the vital piece that was missing. Peyton.

Now that he had experienced the dream ... his dream had become a reality, he still couldn't believe it. He couldn't now go back to anything less than the sheer joy he felt when he looked in Anna's eyes and he wasn't about to drag poor Lindsey into that dismal future either. He didn't want to ever make her feel like second best but all the while he had the possibility of Peyton and Anna, she'd never be any better than that. That fact, which seemed so clear to him now, made him feel like the lowest of the low. Who ditches their wife mere months into the marriage because he's found greener pastures?

He's become the kind of man he never wanted to be, the man who gets married on a whim and then when he changes his mind, he breaks a woman's heart in the process. But his other option is to become the man he always vowed he would never be, the man who abandons his child ... he would never become his father, of that he was adamant.

So that left him here, unless Lindsey was willing to forgive his indiscretion and to accept and incorporate Anna in their lives then there was nothing he could do but let her go. He noted that when he thought of his and Lindsey's lives he still saw them as plural, two lives, one each. Somehow after three years together they still weren't interlaced in that way and he knew that if there was any blame for this then it was to be put on him, he had given her his love but never his heart.

The realization was ringing in his ears when he heard the short sharp clicks of her heels snapping against the linoleum, as she strode through the locker room and into his office.

He first took note of her eyes which had lost their angry dark tones from when they'd last been in the same room together and she was now staring at him through narrowed icy blues. His then flew to the large brown envelope she was clutching in her hand and at that point he knew exactly how this conversation was going to go.

"Hi." She muttered, her words softer than her demeanour would imply. "Thanks for meeting me."

He stood up from his chair and manoeuvred his way around the desk. "Hi. What you got there?" He pointed at the paperwork she held, assuming that there was little use avoiding the obvious subject of conversation.

Lindsey sighed through a ragged breath and as her eye line rose to meet Lucas' gaze again, he could tell that this was much harder for her than she was trying to pretend it was.

"I've spoken to my lawyer and this is just the preliminary paperwork. Since we married in North Carolina, we have to be officially separated for a certain amount of time before we can get a divorce. I looked into an annulment as well but because of our situation, before and after the wedding, it'd be quite unlikely for a judge to grant us one. So that's what this basically says." She handed him the envelope. "It should all be pretty simple, I'm not interested in making this any more difficult or painful than it needs to be. I don't want anything about you and Peyton to be in the papers, for once I want this to just be about us, so I won't mention the adultery if you don't, we can just put it down to 'irreconcilable differences'."

Lucas could only nod numbly as he skimmed through what Lindsey had just given him and to her credit as usual she was being totally upfront and honest with him, she was reiterating exactly what was written in front of him.

"My lawyer also said that if you wanted to keep this civil and easier then he could represent you too, it would be cheaper for both of us that way too. I mean it's not as if we have anything to go to court about, no assets or children ..." Her voice went weak at the word. "We each have our own homes and our own incomes so this should all be really simple, we won't even need to talk about it."

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and the consequent clicks broke Lucas' attention from the separation documents. He caught a glimpse of her watery eyes before she shook her tears away furiously and pausing to take a breath, she stared at the ceiling.

"So what is it that I have to do now?" He questioned soberly.

"If you can just sign the form to state that we're legally separated and do that in the presence of a lawyer, then you don't have to do anything until the divorce papers come through in about a year, less if we're lucky. I take it that you won't be contesting to any of this?"

"Do you want me to? Because you seem pretty sure that this divorce is what you think is for the best." He waved the papers in the air and then laid them on his desk.

"I do think it's for the best, for us both. If at any point in this last six weeks you had made any indication that you wanted me back then I might reconsider but you've made it quite clear that you've already chosen a future and it doesn't include me." This time she met his stare head on and he saw no fear or anger in her, just regret.

He couldn't believe that this is how his marriage was ending; calmly, formally and on the surface it appeared without much emotion involved. How had he, Lucas Scott, the man who wrote about love in the most stupendous romantic way possible, come to choose a life like this.

It seemed as if for once Lindsey could read his mind because she uttered rhetorically. "This is what you wanted all along isn't it? Lucas, please tell me, why did you even marry me?"

She had posed him a question and he was stunned that he couldn't throw together a reason, or an excuse depending on which way you looked at it, to give to her. He searched in the abyss of his brain and came up with nothing. All of the rationalisations that he had concocted over the past year had suddenly disappeared, he couldn't even regurgitate some of the same old crap he'd fed her countless times. She was his wife, for the time being anyway, and he had no words for her.

It was all so clear to him now, he knew what he wanted. He knew that he wanted to be home, with _his_ home – Anna ... and Peyton.

"I am so sorry that this is how things have ended up. I know that it means absolutely nothing but if I could do this over again there are so many things I would do differently. I never wanted to hurt you, I knew that the day I met you. You're so sweet and kind and trusting and I hate that I am the one who has broken your heart because you deserve so much better. Despite all the royal screw-ups I've made you've forgiven me and that means so much. I will always be thankful for meeting you, for knowing you and for everything that you've done for me and given me." He breathed a sigh and looked her dead in the eye when he finished. "And I really wish that I've given you some things to be thankful for as well and some good times ... These last few months notwithstanding."

He smirked at himself and this led Lindsey to let out a short laugh. She smiled towards him but the beam didn't quite reach her eyes, she was holding back and she didn't want to anymore.

"Luke, I want to be honest with you. I can't pretend that I'm not mad or I'm not disappointed because I am, big time. And yet I also can't pretend that I don't blame myself in the most part for letting this all happen. I don't want to be angry with you anymore, I hate the way that it makes me feel, the energy that it drains from me. But I also can't let go of the anger if we're still in contact and that's why I want this quick, quiet divorce because I just want this to be over. It's been killing me because that's what you've wanted since the start but now that I know I was right all along, it doesn't make me feel any better it just makes this feel that bit more final." She spoke slowly and articulately, allowing Lucas to hear every word.

He took heed of her last words in particular. "It's over." She stated definitively.

"It's over." He repeated, a nod passing between the couple.

"I gotta go, I've got a dinner in the city tonight so I'm flying straight back." Lindsey reverted to her proper posture and slung her purse over her shoulder. "You may not believe me but I just want to say that I hope that you and Peyton are happy and that Anna grows up to be healthy and happy too."

She was right, he didn't really believe her. He knew that she wanted to feel that for him, to wish true happiness for him at the expense of her own, but nobody's that perfect. Except maybe the blonde-haired mother of his child. But it was Lindsey down to a tee, poised and courteous right to the end.

He didn't say any of this, just nodded towards her. "Thank you."

"For what?" She asked, her intention to immediately turn and exit the room thwarted.

"For everything." He whispered, a tinge of melancholy underlining his words.

He pushed himself off of the desk and she stepped forward to meet him in the centre of the room. Lucas' hesitantly reached his arms out and when she didn't draw back he wrapped them around her figure and Lindsey fell into the hug immediately, burying her head in his chest.

She let out several choking sobs and so Lucas embraced her tighter, rubbing her back soothingly. He had never met a single person who could not be pacified by that motion.

"I love you." She snivelled raggedly. "I always will."

"I love you too." He replied reassuringly.

She remained in his arms until her breathing was regulated once more and she felt strong enough to pull away from him. She didn't say a word as he released her from his grasp and she backed out of the door; he remained silent too, the only communication they needed had been said.

Lucas watched Lindsey's face as she retreated along the corridor, a combination of desolation and relief if that's possible, shining through her eyes. He fingered the wedding band on his finger and sensing that this was the time, he effortlessly slipped it off and into his pocket.

Now, it was over.

-x-

Lucas followed Peyton's footsteps into the kitchen where she proceeded to pour them both cups of decaf coffee. To save any trouble Lucas and Brooke had both decided to switch to decaf whilst Peyton was breastfeeding and he could only imagine the jittery wrecks they'd all become when they attempt to go back to their wired, caffeinated selves.

A quick glance of the room let him know that Anna was sleeping peacefully in the crib in the living room and that before he arrived Peyton had been stretched out on the couch with a magazine and her I-pod, with only one earphone in of course so that she could listen out for her daughter's cries. This is how he found Peyton most days and it was starting to worry him that she didn't seem to be getting out of the house much. He understood that as a new mother she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her baby as he was much the same, if he could he wouldn't leave her side for a second but he knew that it was important for Peyton to go out and socialise, for her to speak to adults who weren't him and Brooke once in a while.

"So, have you been up to much today?" He quizzed taking the mug from her.

"Here we go again ... yes I took Anna to the grocery store this morning to pick up some milk and on the way back we took a nice walk along the river. I am not locking myself up in this house and refusing to talk to anybody, so stop going on about it! When I get an invitation to go out for the evening then I might go, as long as I have someone to watch her." She huffed and folded her arms across her chest. If she had to go through one more lecture from him about how he thinks she's turning into a hermit, she swore she might scream.

"Okay, okay, I was just a little worried about you. I want you to be happy and settled and I thought that maybe a night out or some time at the office might get you out of your routine. But whatever you want to do is fine; and you know that I'll always look after her any time you want to go out with Brooke or whoever."

His apologetic tones appeased her irritation and with the way he raised his eyebrow she couldn't help but smile.

"You know what, I think you just want to get me out of the way so that you get more time alone with her. You're trying to hog our baby!" She pointed at him teasingly and he copied her gesture.

"Me?!" You're the one with her all day every day, if there's anyone hogging it's definitely you stealing all the quality baby time."

He received a prod in the chest for that wisecrack and because he didn't respond she continued to poke him mock-aggressively. "Just you remember who your baby mama is and you better treat her right because she is way too cool for you."

"Okay firstly, for the record you cannot pull off 'baby mama' and secondly ..." He began an assault on her sides, tickling her furiously and when she tried to pull away he gripped her tighter to his body.

"Lucas, let go of me ... you know how ... ticklish ... I am ... Lucas!" She squealed through laughs and snorts.

She wriggled beneath his form, her breaths coming loud and fast. He stopped his actions momentarily and when she brought her eyes up to meet his, he leant down and tried to sweep his lips across hers.

Peyton saw it coming however and sharply angled her face away so that instead he caught her on the cheek.

"Luke, don't." She squirmed until he released her then pushed off of him with her hands on his chest and strode away.

"Peyton, I'm sorry, I just ..." He pleaded to her retreating form.

"What the hell was that?!" She turned to confront him once she reached her bedroom.

"It was just ... I don't know ... I looked at you and you smiled and it just felt right so ..." He muttered, running a hand through his short hair. "It was stupid, I'm sorry."

"What would your wife say to this huh?"

"Probably not a lot seeing as we're separated." He announced brashly and Peyton froze, a look of shock and regret painted on her face. "That's what she came to tell me, we are now officially separated and as soon as the divorce can be final, it will be. It's over ... my marriage is over."

Peyton uncrossed her arms and let some of the annoyance out of her body, she reached out towards him and placed her hand over his. "God Luke, I'm sorry, I didn't ..." She paused, retracting her arm. "Hold on, is that why you tried to kiss me? Lindsey leaves you so you figure that I'll do?! You can be such a jackass!" She snapped at him coarsely, raising the volume in the house considerably enough for Lucas to enter the bedroom behind her and close the door.

"No of course not! I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you okay, I just got caught up in the moment. But please don't think that you're some sort of replacement for Lindsey, I mean God if anything it's the other way around."

She stopped pacing the floor and stood stunned, words failing her. Their friends had made that assumption to her but she'd never heard it from his lips and it didn't matter how mad at him she was once he started proclaiming love and devotion, she was a goner.

He studied her with his eyes, boring holes right down into her soul and all she could do is stare directly ahead at the painting that hung on her wall.

She had created it on her first night back in Tree Hill. After their less than wonderful reunion at the Rivercourt, Peyton had headed to the nearest art supply store to pick up a canvas and some acrylics and then went to town in her motel room. She let the brush strokes cry for her as flicks of red and green swirled around the two figures in the centre, they were miniscule black bodies in the abyss of colour, representing their distance from each other and from their reality at that moment. She had wanted to let all of her feelings for Lucas out onto her art because even though looking at it afterwards usually made her feel worse, at least it was out. She was tired of everything being kept in, she just wanted to feel free and feel like herself again. That's what he always gave her, he knew exactly who she was and he gave her the confidence to be that person.

Always, except for that night. After her painting was finished, she sat back to admire her handiwork and although she was bleeding inside, no tears came as she examined the two lonely protagonists lost in a sea of confusion and despair. For the first time in a long time she hadn't felt free enough to be herself in his presence, the 'she' that she wanted to be would have run into his arms regardless of whether or not he recoiled or told her he was seeing someone. She would have embraced him just to feel him, just to let him feel her; and she knew that he wouldn't have pushed her away.

So why was she pushing him away now?

She could feel him watching her, trying to decipher what she was thinking. If he could figure it out then she hoped that he'd explain it to her.

"Lucas, why are you saying this now?" Her bottom lip shook with every word, her voice barely a whisper. "Where was this a year ago, when I made it damn clear I wanted you back? I would have done anything for you to pick me over her, but you proposed to her anyway and now you start saying things like she was my 'replacement'? Why, Luke, why?"

"I wanted you, I did. I always have, there is not an ounce of me that doesn't want you, every second of every day." He took a breath and moved to sit in the chair next to him, gesturing to Peyton for her to take her own seat on the bed; he had a feeling that this would be an arduous conversation.

"I was scared." He continued. "I know that that isn't a great excuse but it's all I've got. I was so terrified of you not wanting me the way I wanted you, the same way you didn't when I proposed and it killed me to see you near enough every day. I saw how unhappy you were and how far removed you were from the Peyton I used to know and all I wanted to do was make it all better for you."

She took advantage of his brief intermission to ask the burning question that had been torturing her for months.

"Why did you marry her Luke? How could you have proposed to her after I told you I loved you?" She let out a sob as she ended, unaware that she had begun crying.

This was it – the truth. He hadn't been man enough to admit it to Lindsey but Peyton deserved to hear this, even though he knew it would break her heart.

"When I proposed to Lindsey, it wasn't planned ... I didn't mean to do it. I came home that night after I left you and I found her with the ring, your ring. She'd come across it when she was cleaning or packing or whatever it is that she was doing and she was so upset. When I first saw her with it I figured that she was crying because she knew that I'd kept it for you, that I wanted to save it for when I asked you to marry me again. But that's not what she thought. She thought that I'd bought it for her and that I just hadn't asked her because you were back. I'd never thought of her as someone I would marry until that moment. She was there in front of me, weeping and holding the ring, begging me to say or do something to make her stay. So I took the ring from her and got down on one knee ... it was the only way that I could make sure that she wouldn't leave me. I was so scared of being left alone again like when you turned me down. I just needed to know that I'd have someone to stay with me."

He crumpled in the chair, his head in his hands and assumed that it would take a few moments for Peyton to process everything he had said. It didn't.

"You coward." She spat fiercely.

The venom in her tone stirred him from his lazy stance and he uncovered his eyes to see her jump up from the bed and throw herself directly in front of him.

"You were scared of being alone?" She mimicked pitilessly. "I had just told you I loved you and I wanted to be with you, you had sex with me and then you were the one to leave me alone." She gulped air in and found her nerve once more. "You didn't propose to her because you were scared of being without her, you proposed because you were scared of being left with me. If I hadn't have had Anna would you even want to know me right now?"

"Peyton, don't. Just don't. Don't you dare pretend like you haven't run from us in the past and don't you dare ever think that I don't want to be with you. All I have wanted, for what eleven years now, is to be with you. I want to be with you now." He reached out his hand to place over her heart, the same motion he had made the first night she had kissed him, the first night she had run from him.

"Well I'm glad you've finally figured out what _you_ want." She quickly batted his hand away. "But I don't think I believe you. It was only a few months ago that you vowed in front of your family and friends that you wanted to be with Lindsey for the rest of your life. When Brooke told me that it had really happened, that you'd married her, I couldn't believe it. I guess I thought that you'd find some reason not to go through with it, or that she would but it happened didn't it? And when that had finally sunk in, that was the moment when I started to think about giving up on us ... because I knew that you already had done."

She savoured the bitter feeling of another salty tear rolling down her cheek before she wiped them all away with the back of her hand. Lucas was staring at her, hating himself for being the cause of her tears rather than being the one who dabs them away. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and lay her down on the bed, to hold her and make love to her until she believed in his love for her again. But he sensed that this wasn't the time, she didn't want him to make her feel better with a quick fix, she needed him to prove to her just how much she means to him.

"I never gave up on us. I never gave up on you, and I never will."

"I don't know if I can trust you anymore and all the things you say to me because it always ends up with you taking them back. I want so much for us to be who we were, to be Lucas and Peyton again. But I don't know if we ever will be."

"We will be." He testified confidently. "It has always been us and it always will be. We're Lucas and Peyton and we will be again. Just you wait and see."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Raise your hand if you're freaking out waiting for the new episode! So that's why this is posted tonight, I wanted to tweak it a little more and post it tomorrow but I couldn't stop myself, I'm in a total LP/OTH love-zone right now. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

-x-

The late afternoon sun shone through the ceiling-to-floor windows of the store creating an orange hue around Brooke and Peyton who were spread out on the white couch, sipping from their frosty mochachinos.

"Well I don't care what Haley said, there is definitely something weird going on with Jamie. I don't know if it's Naley's separation slash reconciliation or the whole Dan situation but the poor kid is asking some very strange questions lately." Brooke retorted as she uncrossed her legs from where they were resting over Peyton's.

"I've always found his 'talks like an adult' thing cute and all but he's asking things that he shouldn't want to know about, like forgiveness and redemption. Oh and the other day he asked me what a one night stand was! What am I supposed to say to that?" She shrugged her shoulders and threw her arms in the arm for emphasis. "But you say anything to Haley and she's all 'he's just a normal kid' ... no I'm sorry normal kids are rolling around in dirt and making 'eww' noises when adults kiss. I love him to pieces but I just don't know what to say to him sometimes, so do I talk to him like he's a kid or like he's my therapist?!"

Peyton snorted at her friend's unexpectedly fiendish gossiping. "What's brought this on? You're normally their number one fan."

"Umm, no honey I'm _your_ number one fan." She shook her cup in Peyton's direction to make her point. "I don't know, Haley was just being a total bizarro girl yesterday, she's changed her mind again now and is back to declaring that you and Luke are like the devil's spawn and that our friendly neighbourhood murderer Dan is reformed."

"Oh so she hates me again now does she?" Peyton nodded in understanding. "That's why she hasn't called me in a few days, do you know if it's still about Luke and Lindsey's divorce or have I wrecked another home and she's pissed off about it?"

"I have no clue, all I know is that any mention of lying or secrets leads her off into a rant about how she's revolted at Luke for cheating and she's disgusted at you for not telling anyone you were pregnant and oh yeah she hates me too for keeping it a secret."

"Where is that girl's head at? The first time she met Anna I expected her to rip me a new one but she was actually so supportive saying that she wanted to help, I thought for some stupid reason that she meant it. I just wish I knew how to make things right with her again. I was thinking of asking if she wanted to record some stuff for the label ... I told you that I'm building a studio at Tric right?"

Brooke nodded in response. "That might be really good for her, I get the impression that she's feeling a bit trapped in this soccer mom facade she's created for herself and now that Nathan's getting back into basketball, it could be her chance to turn back into our regular rockstar Haley JS again." The brunette passed her empty cup to Peyton who stood to throw them both in the trash can. "But whatever happens, you guys will make up for good, I know that she's happy for you and that she missed you like crazy when you left. Sometimes I think you two are a little too similar for your own good."

"Uh-huh." Peyton responded sarcastically. "Maybe that's it ... Anyways, let's stop all this bitchy gossiping because we both know that we love our little Haley just the way she is and that if she wasn't morally superior to the rest of us, it just wouldn't be the same."

She leaned over to check on Anna, who was sucking quietly on a rubber ring in her stroller and smiled inward and outwardly at the marvel that she was actually raising a happy child.

"So ..." Brooke meandered the conversation to where she wanted it to be. "Luke's coming over again tonight right? You know I could have sworn that when I got up this morning I saw him leaving your room ..." She raised an eyebrow suggestively but seeing the look that Peyton was shooting her she thought again and lowered it.

"You know it is not like that. He stays over sometimes so that he can be close to Anna."

"Well he could be close to Anna from the couch. Or the spare room. But no, he decides to sleep in your bed. And by the way honey, he is not over 'sometimes', he's over all the time, every day. In fact it's getting a little _'Three's Company'_ with our house share situation."

"Are you saying that you want us to move out, because we totally can? You've already done so much ..."

"Hey, stop! I am not saying that I want you to move out, you know I love having the two of you. What I am saying is that I want you to move in ... with your baby daddy."

The friends didn't need to see each other's faces to know that Peyton was rolling her eyes in exasperation and Brooke wore a cheeky smile with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Brooke ..." she drawled warningly. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. Me and Luke are not together and I don't know if we ever will be."

"Bullshit!" Brooke's loud exclaim broke baby Anna's content gurgling and for a second the store was shrouded in a stunned silence.

"I swear to God Brooke Davis, if that is my daughter's first word I am never talking to you again."

The sound of her mother's voice seemingly calmed Anna who went back to her toy pursuits.

"Okay I'm sorry, about the cursing, not about the other thing. I swear I have never met two people more capable of living in total denial."

Peyton collapsed backwards onto the couch and after a moment, Brooke plonked herself down besides her and expressed for what seemed like the thousandth time what was obvious to her and the rest of the planet.

"You love him. He loves you. You've been in love **forever**. And now you have a baby ... You're right, there's no palpable way forward here." She shrugged jokingly.

"Brooke, I know you mean well but just don't ..." Peyton pleaded weakly.

"No I'm not 'just' going to do anything. I don't understand why you don't just get over yourself and run back to him, you know it's going to happen eventually."

Peyton stood and backed herself away from Brooke, her hackles suddenly up.

"Umm, no I don't! I'm not going to run back to him. I wasn't the one that ran away. He was!"

Brooke turned sharply to face her friend, the shock of her rather extreme reaction causing her to stumble over her words.

"No Brooke, don't try and defend him." She cut off the brunette's mutterings. "God why is everyone so set on my forgiving Lucas like _that_?" she snapped her fingers.

"Maybe because he's already forgiven you for not telling him about your pregnancy." Brooke stated, somewhat bravely.

"I cannot believe that you of all people are throwing that in my face! I thought that you were on **my **side."

"Honey, I'm not on your side, I **am** your side. I'll have your back through everything you decide to put yourself through but because of that I feel that it's kind of my responsibility to tell you when you're being an idiot. Now I tried to tell Luke but he wouldn't listen, so now I'm telling you."

Brooke drew a breath, half expecting to receive a slap from Peyton any second now but thankfully her best friend stayed still and quiet as she leaned against a clothes stand.

"Get your freaking act together and run on back to the father of your child because you love him and because if you two can't get your happy ending, then there sure as hell ain't any hope for me."

Peyton wanted to smile, she really did. Brooke was being her usual best-friend-self, all smiles, support, love and jokes. But she just couldn't because Brooke just didn't get it, she didn't understand the agony that Lucas had put her through over the years. She'd tried to explain it to her but all she could see was how two people who had fought to be together and wounded many people in the process, herself included, and to her it was simple. It was Lucas and Peyton, true love always.

The blonde retraced her steps to take a seat with her oldest and dearest friend once again.

"Brooke, I don't really know how to explain it. I ran, I know that I did but he's run away from me too ..." Propping her elbow up on the back of the couch, Peyton allowed her head to fall into her hand and let out a sigh.

"I always thought that we were meant to be, that we were going to end up together because that's how it was supposed to work out. That's still what I believe, but I don't _know_ it. What I know is that he could have had me all those years ago and he chose you, twice."

The brunette furrowed her brows; surely Peyton didn't still feel insecure about their love triangle of death back in high school. Not after _everything_.

"We finally managed to make our way back to each other and I promised him that I wanted him, that I would always want him and he promised me in return that he would wait for me. But he didn't ... he wouldn't. When he didn't get the exact answer that he wanted from me four years ago, he ran away like a spoilt child without even saying goodbye." Her sentence ended up in a whisper as Peyton briefly squeezed her eyes shut, desperate not to cry. It didn't matter how many times she played that day over in her head, it still hurt to say it aloud.

"But I came back for him, because I was hopelessly in love with him and probably always will be. I told him all of that and he made love to me, telling me that he loved me and that I was the only one for him."

Brooke smirked at her best friend's declaration, it was about time the blonde admitted what Brooke had known since the night Peyton called and told her she wanted to go home.

"And then he took it all back, and married her!" Peyton shook her head in disbelief before continuing with her tirade. "And now I have the most precious thing that could have ever come from our love, my beautiful baby girl. I can't let him hurt me any more Brooke, for her, I just can't. She is my little miracle, she's so innocent and perfect and she deserves more from her parents than the fucked-up relationship that me and Luke have."

Peyton moved towards Anna's stroller and began gently rocking it back and forwards, the small task giving her something else to focus on for a few seconds. She raised her gaze from her daughter to meet her friend's eyes again.

"I need to quit Lucas, I need to give him up. I know he loves me, I know he does. But it's the way he loves me, I let him walk all over me and he lets me do the same to him. I can't let him stomp over my heart anymore, because I need my whole heart so I can give all my love to my little girl."

Brooke's chocolate orbs shined sadly, she could hear the fear in Peyton's words. That silenced apprehension that found its voice every time that she spoke about Lucas and their child. But there had to be hope left for her best friend, there just had to be. She'd been through too much and she deserved a fairytale ending, if such a thing exists.

"It's all gonna work out P. Sawyer, I really believe that. You guys just need to cut yourselves a break, get over all your drama and then ... it'll all be okay."

Peyton smiled and pulled Brooke in for a side-hug. She still didn't completely believe that, but hearing it from her tell-it-like-it-is friend, she believed in it a little bit more.

-x-

After repositioning his laptop for what felt like the tenth time that afternoon in order to keep the glare from the sun off of the screen, Lucas once again continued to clack away at the keys, delving deeper into the ninth chapter of what was shaping up to be his next novel.

Sitting out on his porch as the sun moved across the sky and children rode their bikes along the street in front of him, was one of the most relaxing spots he had to write. He could imagine himself out here as an old man, rocking back and forth in his chair and reminiscing about times gone by. Dispensing advice to his grandchildren which they would no doubt absorb and then ignore, deciding instead to make their own mistakes. His wife would bring him fresh lemonade and her smile would only enthuse him further to channel his abstract ideas and musings into a cleverly constructed tome.

And that is what he wanted, what he craved. A family, a wife, a love, a life. An everything.

The words were all flowing from him easily now, just as they had been doing since the first time he saw life in his daughter's eyes and when he saw unconditional love shining in her mother's. His family were what inspired him and the product of which he hoped would allow him to support them until he was an old man and Anna had children of her own. And Peyton, older but still beautiful, would sit beside him, laughing at the happy children on their lawns and sipping that lemonade.

It may have sounded cheesy and played-out, but isn't that the point of a fantasy?

His latest story was of a man, a husband, a father, who sat and watched life go by as he harked back to all the times in his life he had regretted and the ways in which he vowed to make it right. The ways in which he planned to make up for all the times he had missed out on with his children, and how he wanted to show his dearly loved wife what she meant to him and how he wished he hadn't taken her for granted.

In an unsettling way, his protagonist brought up memories of Dan but in an even more disturbing way, it reminded him of his possible future.

The publishing bigwigs would certainly sneer once they received his new novel outline and call him conceited for thinking he, a twenty-something year old, could even begin to demonstrate the wisdom of an elderly man who has seen life and all it has to offer. They are going to tell him that it will be difficult to create an advertising campaign for a novel about regret and penance from the young author who has only written previously about star-struck young love.

But his deadline was next week and this is what he was going to give them, as this at the moment was all he had. He had taken to ignoring calls from his agent as he was sure that he would be hassling him to do more promotion for his second novel or to at least give the press a taste of what is to come.

When Lucas was on a roll, however he wanted to be left alone, to take his time and get all the prose out of himself that he could.

His mother however, had other ideas. Karen exited the house that though technically was his now, Lucas would always believe to belong to her and set a cup of tea next to him on the table and pulled up a chair for herself.

"How's it coming?" His mother's tones drifted through the cool, October air.

"Not bad. I'm just trying to get something done to give to the publishers. Get them off my back for a while." Lucas closed his computer and set it down by his feet, if his mother wanted to talk to him then she got his undivided attention. She had raised him well and he always treated her with the respect she deserved.

"Lindsey?" She questioned gently. "Is she still the one in charge of your projects?"

"No. Unsurprisingly she's resigned from that post. I've got a new guy, Clark, looking after me now and he seems like a decent guy."

Karen nodded, she'd presumed as much. "So she still doesn't want to talk at all? Can't say I blame her." She added as an afterthought.

"You're probably right." Lucas smiled in the way only his mother would understand. "I think she just wants to put the whole thing behind her, which I'm sorry about but again ... guess I can't blame her for that."

"So what does Peyton think of all of this?"

"Mom, you've spoken to her yourself. You probably know what she's feeling better than me."

"Well, we both know that's not true." Karen rolled her eyes at the understatement, if she were to ever need insight into what was going on in either Lucas or Peyton's minds, it'd be a sure bet to ask the other. "And besides, she's still so terrified of what I might think that she shuts down when I try and talk to her. Apart from you, I've never had anyone more scared of me being disappointed in them."

Lucas sighed. "She thinks that you must hate her, or at least feel ashamed of her." He looked in Karen's eyes, seeing the hurt there and knowing that if Peyton knew he was telling her this, she would kill him. "Being a new mother she worries constantly about not knowing what she's doing and the fact that she doesn't have her mom or Ellie here for advice, she's just ... she's so worried about failing them or about what they might think. But of course there's no way of knowing that and she sees you as the closest thing to a maternal figure that she has." He sighed again, leaning back in his chair. "She was as worried about telling you as I was."

Karen smiled knowingly, her fondness for the blonde who she had embraced like a daughter would never fade.

"So, do you feel like explaining a little more to me now?" At the response of his wincing, she prompted further. "Oh come on, I think I've been pretty darn understanding up to now. But you gotta keep talking to me honey."

Lucas sighed uncomfortably. It was true, his mom had been understanding, as well as patient and helpful. He really couldn't be without her support.

"_Mom." He greeted as she walked into his open arms._

"_My boy. My stupid, irresponsible boy. What am I going to do with you?" She queried almost jokingly as she stepped out of his embrace._

"_You know that I would have come to get you from the airport or the dock or wherever it is that you came in from ... Where's Lily?" Lucas' eyes searched for his little sister as Karen made her way into her former house._

"_Andy's taken her to the house to unpack and get settled as there's really not enough room for us all to stay here. Besides, I wanted a chance to talk to you alone."_

_Lucas sighed, he knew this was coming and he loved his mother for getting straight to the point._

"_Where do you want me to start?" He led the way into the kitchen where he had already started making coffee for them both._

"_How about the beginning?" Karen took a seat at the kitchen table and looked up at her son with pleading eyes. "Lucas, sweetheart, you know that I love you and I always will no matter what mistakes you make, but what has happened these last few months? What have you allowed to happen?"_

_Lucas shook his head in defeat. "I don't know Mom, I really don't know ..."_

"_I don't have to tell you that you've acted like a jackass do I ... cheating on Lindsey, that's completely unacceptable and you get that, yes?" Her tone changed to curt and back to warm again in a matter of seconds._

"_Yes, Mom, of course I get that. I feel like the lowest of the low."_

"_Good." She uttered with a smirk. "That means that I don't have to waste my time chastising you and we can move on to what matters. What are you gonna do honey? What do you need?"_

_Lucas smiled at his mother, he was so grateful for her love and her strength and he needed her now. He needed her to guide him._

_So she sat and listened for the next few hours, pausing him at all the right moments to offer pieces of advice and pearls of wisdom._

_Later that evening, Lucas took Karen to see Peyton and her new granddaughter and his mother was supportive and charming as always. They met up with Andy and a very proud Aunt Lily for something to eat and while there were many unsaid feelings and opinions, all in all it was a regular family dinner._

"Okay," Lucas muttered, defeated. "What do you want to know?"

"Well I think we're up to the point where you try and explain to me how you went from sleeping with Peyton to proposing to Lindsey, then writing about Peyton and knowing you weren't happy to letting Peyton leave and marrying Lindsey ..." Karen smirked, attempting to keep the atmosphere light. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's where we got to."

Lucas could only retort with a smirk of his own before he took a deep breath, ready to offload his soul once again to the only person he knew who wouldn't judge him.

-x-

By the time his mother had left him in peace, it took Lucas almost an hour to find his muse again and continue typing.

And so he wasn't too pleased for his peace to be disturbed when an overconfident guy of about his age pulled up outside of his house in what he could only presume was a rental car judging from the label which hung from the rear-view mirror and strode straight across the lawn and stopped two feet in front of him.

"Lucas Scott!" The gruff voice and the man it belonged to bounded up the steps.

"Could be? Who's asking?" Lucas erred on the side of caution, granted he was known by most who lived in his small town but the man's accent and bold greeting style didn't seem to correspond with Tree Hill folk.

"Julian Baker." He stuck out his hand for Lucas to shake. "I'm the producer who's interested in optioning your book ... and turning into a movie." He continued slowly, wondering why it was taking so long for Lucas to catch on. "Your agent told you about me, right?"

Julian took a moment to size up the man in front of him, sure he was attractive in an obvious kind of way, but what could Peyton really have ever seen in him?

"No, actually ... I've missed a few of his calls and haven't had a chance to return them." Lucas let go of his hand and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Of course, you're too busy in your zone, putting more of those words onto paper." Julian pointed towards the laptop which now sat, open again on Lucas' knees. "Well I'm sorry to interrupt you but I wanted to introduce myself in person because I gotta tell you, I am really excited about this book. I think we could make a truly great film from this, it's just so good you know, and so pure."

Lucas shuffled his feet, unsure of how to respond to this guy, it's always a compliment when someone praises your work, but a movie? It just sounded a little too seedy and money-grabbing for the story of his life and of his love. And besides, how did this stranger get his address? Was his agent just handing it out to anyone and everyone now?

"Hey, Julian is it? I'm flattered really but this is an odd thing to just be sprung on you. I've not really given much thought to movies before and I've kind of got a lot going on in my life right now. Besides from the business perspective, I have no idea how it would work."

"I understand totally, I do, you need some time to think about it. For the record, your agent thinks that it's a great idea so if you ever get a chance to return his call, I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you that." Julian took a couple of steps back, feeling that he'd come on a little strong.

"Like I said, my name's Julian Baker, feel free to check me out, my credits and whatnot and talk it over with your agent and whoever. He's got my number so give me a call, I'm gonna be in town for a while, I wanna see the places that inspired your book so I'll be around. When you've made a decision, call me up and we'll talk."

"Yeah, that sounds great. Sorry if I came off a little hostile, it's just a bit surprising that's all. But good surprising, it's always nice when someone tells you they like your work."

"Like it? Hell, I love this book Lucas, the characters, the plotlines, it's so real ... and that Peyton, wow she sounds like a girl I could really get to know." He smirked, satisfied with his own smugness.

Lucas quirked an eyebrow and shot this smartass a warning glare. "Yeah, she's great."

The fiercely protective look in Lucas' eyes did not go unnoticed by Julian and which humoured him bitterly, this guy hadn't been with Peyton in four years and he still felt like she belonged to him. Maybe they really were like two peas in a pod.

Julian covered his thoughts of his ex-girlfriend with another smirk. "So, I'll let you get back to your thing. Gimme a call, I really think we could do something special here Lucas, it just feels like we've got some things in common."

-x-

**A/N:** Yeah so I brought Julian in, I know that pretty much everybody's done it but I can't help myself, I love him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I am a bad, bad updater and I am sorry. Seeing as I'm so psyched for new OTH, I couldn't not post anything today. Read, enjoy, reviews are always nice and happy OTH day!

-x-

"So how goes it in 'just friends' world, buddy?" Nathan Scott clapped his brother on the back as he handed him a bottled water.

"What?" A genuinely confused Lucas replied.

"Come on, you know the only reason that we let you come around is to hear all your melodramatic gossip." Nathan teased. "How's it going with Peyton?"

Lucas rolled his eyes at his brother's attempt to match his wife's love of all things juicy.

"Hey." Haley playfully slapped him. "Don't talk like an idiot. But seriously, what's going on?" She refocused her attention on her brother-in-law.

Lucas could only laugh at them. "You gotta be kidding me right? It was only two days ago that you were both yelling at me."

The married couple turned to look at each other and shrugged their shoulders before turning back to Lucas.

"Yeah, we've sort of been all over the place." Haley confessed. "But you know we're both happy for you and we support you no matter what." Lucas smiled at his oldest friend. "Besides, you're kind of our only friend so we need to keep you around in case we need something from you. And I want to make sure I come off good in the movie."

Lucas gasped in mock-upset. "I'm hurt, guys seriously. And thank you, it means a lot to know you're here. Especially with everything that's happening now."

"Yeah, so we gonna talk more about this movie thing or what? What does Peyton think?" Nathan hopped up on the stool next to his wife.

"No idea, if I'm honest." Lucas shook his head. "All she's said is that if I want to do it then she'll go along with it."

"Wow, what typical Peyton Sawyer lukewarm sentiment." Nathan mocked.

"Yeah, well I'm taking her to meet the movie producer tonight so she can get a feel for what it might end up like and then hopefully we'll talk about it some more afterwards."

"And then are you two gonna talk about the actual important stuff, like I don't know, your whole future?" Haley prompted.

"I told you, we have talked about it and she didn't seem too thrilled about the idea of us getting back together."

"Can you blame her?" Nathan defended. "I mean, dude you did marry someone else. You can't just offer your 'I was in love with you all along' excuse and expect her to lap it up – again."

Lucas held his head in his hands in shame, how everyone had known what was going on and he had been so oblivious was still unreal to him. When he raised his head again, he saw Haley smirking at him with unsympathetic eyes.

"Besides, you two aren't gonna work all this out with one conversation. This is _you two_ we're talking about. You'll talk about it between ten and twenty times, throw a few roadblocks in the way, most likely a near-death experience, screw the timing up completely, shout at each other, break each other's hearts and then bam! You'll be back together like 'that'!" She clicked her fingers for emphasis.

Lucas glared at his brother and sister-in-law, both of whom were laughing at him.

"Neither one of you are funny."

"We're a little bit funny." Nathan maintained to which Haley nodded eagerly.

"So anyway," Lucas began, keen to change the subject. "So what do you say to recreating your famous 'don't say I never gave you anything' scene for me right now so I can make sure we get it just right in the movie?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "Well personally, I think we should go for Fergie's brilliant interpretation and use 'don't say I never gave you no bling'. I mean, at least it'll make you sound a little bit cooler than you actually were babe." She rubbed Nathan's shoulder patronisingly.

"Oh we're going there are we? Well in that case, can I personally veto 'the poncho'? Seriously, if I never have to see that ugly-ass thing for as long as I live, I'll be okay with that." Nathan retorted.

Lucas observed the couple bicker and laugh in front of him, hoping that one day he'd have that comfortable love they share. It took him a few more minutes for familiarity to set in and for him to realise that he already has it.

-x-

Peyton exited the site of what could only be described as utter chaos as the finishing touches were being put on the new studio adjoining the Red Bedroom Records office. All in all things were going well, the new build was going to be finished only a week after her target and a little under budget, Haley was talking to her again and had agreed to come into the studio and record some new material and Mia would be back in town soon to start work on her sophomore album. Add that to the two new bands that she had signed whilst she was in Charlotte and she could proudly say that she was the owner of an up-and-coming record label.

Anna was so close to sleeping through the night and thanks to the extra sleep she was now getting, Peyton was almost back to feeling like a human being. She still had the worry of Anna's upcoming genetic test to determine whether or not she had inherited Lucas' HCM on her mind but they had done their research and were satisfied that regardless of the outcome, they would make it work and their daughter would live a happy, healthy life.

And as for her and Lucas, they had been doing alright since she effectively told him that she didn't want to be with him, which she was still dumbfounded as to why she had said it at all seeing as that's all that she wanted.

Then two days ago, he'd decided to share the news with her that 'An Unkindness of Ravens' was going to be made into a movie. But only if she gave her blessing, of course. As she recalled, her first reaction was to laugh hysterically and then after she saw the dejected look on his face and realised he was serious, she had to straighten herself up and then ask "Huh?"

Lucas had gone on to explain that it was a great opportunity and that the producer who wanted to option the book seemed really into it and wanted to stick to the original script as much as possible, he was even willing to allow Lucas to be a co-producer. He seemed so excited about it and seeing as he had already sold their story to the world in the form of a book, she figured that it couldn't be that much worse to have it on the big screen.

That was however before she had done a quick search online to see what buzz the movie rumour was generating and in doing so she stumbled upon about a dozen online communities who analyzed every word from the book and most of them apparently hated her and thought Lucas would be better off with Brooke.

So now she was about to meet up with Lucas and the sneaky producer who had gotten Lucas to sign an iron-clad contract within minutes of their second meeting. He'd insisted that she be a part of the process, at least initially, because as he put it, it's 'their story' and she should have a say in how it's made. If she's honest, she wants as little to do with it as physically possible but she just can't say 'no' to Lucas when he's willing to put his heart and soul into this movie. Much like he did for the book.

She took a quick scan of the club and when she didn't immediately see Lucas, she decided to take a seat at the bar and wait for him. After ordering her diet soda she felt a familiar hand rest itself on the small of her back. Turning to face who she assumed to be the father of her child, she was both shocked and horrified to see who really occupied the space.

"Oh, holy shit!"

"Well, that's one of the better greetings you've ever given me baby." Julian testified arrogantly.

"What the hell ...?!" She exclaimed.

"Hey, hey, quieten down, people are starting to stare." He tried to muffle her cries and sat down besides her.

Peyton's mind was working overtime, fuelled by shock and ... anger? How dare he be here, the man who told her that she'd never love him enough, who left her to hook up with a string of women, he was the one who encouraged her to come back to Tree Hill for Lucas in the first place.

Lucas. No. That couldn't possibly be why he was here, to cause trouble between the two of them . How would he even know that they were ... whatever they were.

And then it hit her.

"You bastard! You're the one aren't you? You're the producer who wants to turn his book into a movie. What the hell, Julian? You wouldn't even look at the book when we were together, let alone read it."

"Well what can I say? I decided to give it a read after all." He was still smiling in that cocky, self-assured way he always did and it infuriated her.

"So you've come here for what, to fuck with him, with me?" Peyton accused harshly, the bartender was giving her a funny look but she didn't care, she was on a roll. "Does he know? ... No of course he doesn't, there's no way he'd work with you if he knew." She answered her own question.

"Are you quite finished?" He uttered once Peyton had trailed off. "Firstly, I had no idea that you were even here when I made the offer. The last I heard you were running your own label in Charlotte, which by the way I wanted to call and congratulate you on but you've changed your number. So no, I didn't come here to fuck with you ... but if there is a possibility of that being on the cards, I wouldn't say no." He added suggestively to which she have him a filthy look.

"Secondly, no I haven't told him about us because in my experience having done the horizontal tango with the writer's ex doesn't normally get you the gig."

Peyton sighed loudly, her anger starting to dissipate.

"And lastly, I read the book after we broke up. I figured I should find out what all the fuss is about and I really liked it. I think it's good and I think it's real, the way he writes you is ... its dead-on and I think that he's got a real talent that I can use." He continued to confess.

Peyton raised her hands to the side of her head, embarrassment of her previous outburst starting to set in.

"I didn't realise that you were back together until he called me today and asked me to come meet with both of you. Again, I would have called you to see if you were okay with it but ..."

"But I changed my number." She finished his sentence for him with another sigh.

She released her hands back onto the bar and turned her head to face him, he was still wearing that irritating smirk and she couldn't not smile.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." She muttered, clutching her soda and swirling the straw around in the liquid. "And for the record, Lucas and I, we're not back together, it's sort of complicated, we're ..."

"Hey, there you are. Well I see you two have already met." Lucas voice carried through the crowd as he walked up to lean against the bar on Peyton's other side.

Julian's eyes quickly scanned Peyton's face, searching for any indication of what she wanted him to do or say next. Her eyes were clasped shut tightly as if she was saying a silent prayer for the ground to open up and swallow her that very moment.

"Umm, yeah I saw her walk in and just knew straight away that it was her. You've managed to describe her down to a tee." He fumbled for a half-lie.

"Apparently." Lucas smiled vacantly before leaning down to leave a kiss on Peyton's cheek and mumble a few words in her ear.

Julian looked on in amused incredulity. Not back together, my ass.

"Shall we get a table?" The brunette man offered, desperate to interrupt the moment.

"Sure, there's a few free that way." Lucas straightened again and pointed towards the back of the club.

Peyton led the way with Julian following, paying close attention to the movements of her ass through her dress, which incidentally did not do unnoticed by an immediately territorial Lucas.

-x-

"So other than making a movie with me, what else does your life consist of Lucas?" Julian asked, taking a swig of his second beer.

Peyton on the other hand, was already polishing off her third apple martini and she knew that had to be her limit. Anymore and she'd have a half-cut baby once Anna had her morning feed. She averted her eyes from where they were continuously checking the time on her watch in order to see Julian lean back on his stool with a smug grin directed at her and then darted towards Lucas who was sizing the cocky brunette up with his trademark squint.

"Well, there's work obviously. I coach the high school basketball team ..."

"Wait, wait. You're the coach for the Ravens, your high school basketball team, the team you led to championship glory?" Julian announced in his best movie trailer voice.

"Well I wouldn't exactly say I led them, but yeah."

"That's incredible, we can totally use that. The promotion for this movie is going to be amazing, I'm gonna have your faces, well obviously not you two, younger, prettier versions of both of you, those guys' faces are gonna be everywhere. You're not gonna be able to walk around a mall or get on a bus without seeing Lucas and Peyton staring back at you."

"Marvellous." Peyton raised her now empty glass to toast sarcastically.

"I'm serious guys. I am gonna take this book and make it into a phenomenon." He grinned confidently.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of." Lucas muttered under his breath so only Peyton could hear.

She nudged him softly under the table to elicit a smile from him.

"So other than coaching, how's the writing coming. I can't wait to read the new novel you were working on the other day."

"What new novel?" Peyton questioned innocently. "You didn't tell me that you were writing again. I mean, you've only just finished the other book right?"

A blush rose to Lucas' cheeks, there was a reason he didn't like people to know he was writing. He didn't like sharing any details until he was finished.

"It's just an idea I'm working on. I'm feeling pretty inspired right now." He smiled at her shyly, making Peyton's heart flutter ever so slightly.

"Yeah, so anyway ..." Julian frowned, his business meetings didn't usually involve him having to watch two people make googly eyes at each other and for that he was glad. "You're pretty available then, for the movie I mean, you can decide your own schedule. I gotta tell you Lucas, if you wanna be a co-producer it's gonna take a hell of a lot of time and work to make this movie happen."

"To an extent yeah, but obviously we have Anna to think about." Lucas explained.

"Anna is ..?"

"My daughter." Peyton stated quickly and despite being thoroughly amused by the look of total horror on Julian's features, she shot him a 'don't panic idiot, she's not yours' look and clarified further. "Our daughter." She gestured between herself and Lucas.

"Oh ... oh." Julian's face contorted in such a way you could practically see the cogs turning. "So you two ... oh. But you're not married."

Peyton winced along with Lucas. This was a sore subject.

"No we're not married, and we're not actually together but we do have a baby." Lucas squeezed Peyton's thigh gently, looking for some form of comfort or reassurance.

She smiled at him warmly. "Yeah and it's really working for us, we're really happy that we've got her."

Julian nodded slowly. "That's ... well that sounds great. How very _Ross and Rachel_ of you."

Lucas eyed the producer suspiciously. He had no idea why the guy was being so downright weird but could only attribute it to the fact that he was a typical Hollywood type into fast cars, fast women and no commitment.

If only he knew how wrong he was.

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing. She's gonna be three months old at the end of the week. She's got these two tufts of darkish blonde hair on each side of her head and a bit on the top and these gorgeous round, blue eyes. That girl has me wrapped around her little finger already and once she learns that all she has to do is smile at me and I'll give her anything she wants, I'm gonna be in a whole load of trouble." Lucas lost himself in his thoughts of his baby daughter.

Peyton shook her head softly in awe of the way he would openly gush over their little girl.

She caressed Lucas' knee out of the sight of Julian but that didn't mean he couldn't tell what she was doing. She witnessed him roll his eyes at her and she knew that she couldn't go on for much longer, keeping Lucas in the dark.

Julian had that smug look on his face he always wore when he knew that things were about to get entertaining for him.

He could see that Peyton was dying to come clean with Lucas, after all he was going to find out eventually and it'd be better for everyone if she told him sooner rather than later. But in the meantime, he was going to enjoy rubbing it in as much as he could.

"So Peyton," he dragged her attention back to him. "Tell me about you, you know what I don't already know from the book." He smirked, daring her to dig herself just a little deeper.

Peyton gritted her teeth, a quick look at Lucas who though a little miffed seemed to be keen on getting back onto the movie discussion, made her decision for her. She couldn't just stop halfway through the night and tell him that she dated his movie producer, he'd be humiliated and would probably start a fight with Julian and then with her. And she really didn't want to cause a scene. No, she'd just wait until they got home, her home rather, and she'd tell him then.

"There's really not that much to know, besides anything you need is in the book, right?"

"Maybe, but I want to get your character just right. After all this is supposed to be the dream girl who Lucas fell in love with on first sight and kept him enthralled for years. That mix of complication and raw hotness has gotta be just perfect." He ran his eyes over Peyton's body lasciviously, causing a tremble to run down her back, one that she so wished wasn't there.

"Now, obviously we're going to leave out the real ending where you guys broke up and you apparently married someone else," he pointed towards a perplexed Lucas and with a shrug added, "people in this town talk."

"I mean, no one's gonna wanna hear that the great Lucas Scott turned into a jackass and dumped the so-called 'love of his life', that shit ain't never gonna sell a movie."

"Okay, that's enough." Peyton snapped as Lucas turned a bright crimson and clenched his fist tightly. "I think we're done here."

"Look you guys, I'm sorry, I didn't realise that it was such a sore subject for you." Julian apologised, only half-convincingly.

Peyton stood and pulled her jacket from the back of her stool. "Just leave it, please." She whispered in her ex's direction.

Lucas was still fixed in his seat, his eyes burning a midnight blue and his balled fist threatening to fly into Julian's face at any moment.

"Come on," Peyton tugged on his arm lightly first and then more decisively. "Let's get home, we should probably relieve Brooke of her babysitting duties anyway."

Lucas said nothing, he simply allowed Peyton to lead him up and away from the table. He wanted so badly to punch the asshole's face in but seeing as he was now stuck with him for at least a few months, thanks of course to his own stupidity in signing that contract, he figured that that wasn't the best way to do business.

As Lucas walked towards the exit, Peyton turned around briefly to mutter, "You're still a dick" to the self-satisfied man still sipping calmly on his beer.

Watching the pair leave, Julian chuckled quietly to himself. "I do love making movies."

-x-


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** So ... 6.20 sucked for LP so I felt the need to write faster and update quicker which will probably never happen again. My LP loving heart is hurting just a little today and seeing as I haven't planned it, I'll probably never write the conversation where LP give their daughter her full name so FYI in this fic and as far as I'm concerned in all universes her name is Anna Karen Scott. End of.

Enjoy and reviews make my LP heart hurt a little bit less!

-x-

"If he doesn't know, how is he supposed to get jealous?" Brooke remarked with a devilish grin.

"Brooke," Peyton cocked her head to the side and huffed. "Is that really what's important in this situation?"

"Umm ..." The brunette tapped her finger on her chin, pouting. "I'm gonna go with yeah. Well actually it's the second most important thing right now, because the first is what the hell are we gonna do about your hair?"

"My hair? What's wrong with my hair?" Peyton patted her now-darkened locks self-consciously.

"Well first off, you've dropped the curly look which has been your thing for like ever, but I get that you're all grown up now so I can get on board with the wavy look. But now you've gone and dyed it ... and honey, it's turned out kind of weird." She made a face.

"Weird? It's just a darker blonde."

"No, you said that it would be dark blonde but it's really not. It's sort of a dark brown and then kind of redhead, which is sort of like a cross between me and Rachel, and that is so not a look for a mommy to have." Brooke explained with a smirk, she'd obviously been devising this logic for some time.

Peyton stared in disbelief for a few seconds. "You're a bizarre woman. I'll take that advice on board."

"So what were we talking about before I got distracted by your hideous hair ...?"

"Hideous?!" Peyton exclaimed, offended.

"Oh right, yeah you have to tell Lucas about this Julian guy. You do realise that he is absolutely, one hundred percent, guaranteed going to freak out when he finds out the truth don't you?" Brooke moved from her seat opposite Peyton's desk to sit on the pool table, her legs dangling over the side.

"Yes I do realise that, why do you think I haven't been able to tell him yet?" The blonde said anxiously as she continued to run her fingers through her hair awkwardly before eventually deciding to fix it up with a clip.

"But it's only gonna get worse the longer you leave it." Brooke justified.

"I'm aware of that Brooke." Peyton cried for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"Okay, now I can get my head around the whole 'not telling him right here at the club that night' because of the awkward factor, but I do think that you are neglecting to use this very powerful weapon in your arsenal." She alluded vaguely.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Peyton snapped rather unnecessarily. The pressures from raising a baby, building a business and keeping a secret from Lucas were beginning to get to her and unfortunately for Brooke, her best friend seemed to be getting the brunt of it.

"I am talking about telling Lucas that there was another guy in your life, it'll make him go absolutely crazy and seeing as you're playing hard to get right now, that can only be a good thing." Peyton rolled her eyes, a little mystified so Brooke clarified. "Honey, he is gonna get so jealous and mad and protective ... and it is gonna be hot!"

Peyton raised an eyebrow. "Oh it is, is it?"

"Well, obviously not for me." Brooke shook off that blast from the past very quickly. "But for you, yeah baby! I mean think about it, you'll fight, he'll yell, you'll throw things, he'll yell some more, you'll rip off his shirt, he'll throw you on the bed and bam!" She exclaimed with a wink.

Peyton paused to give her friend a half-disbelieving look and to try to move past the fact that that particular setting did sound pretty hot to her right now. "You have given this scenario way too much thought."

"Look, I'm just saying that things can't exactly get more weird for the two of you so it's not like it's gonna do any harm and if nothing else it'll finally put an end to your horrific year-long dry spell." Brooke cringed in disgust at the mere thought of it.

"Brooke, I just had a baby. Sex is like, the last thing on my mind." She fibbed absent-mindedly.

"Liar." The brunette stated. "I know you honey, sex is always on your mind, we're two of a kind, it's why we get on so well."

Peyton took to organising the papers on her desk in an effort to show how uninterested she was with this conversation.

"And, also you didn't 'just' have a baby. You had her over three months ago and that is more than enough for you to y'know heal – I looked it up."

Peyton groaned. "You give too much thought to my sex life."

"Well one of us has to." The brunette retorted with a very fair point, in her opinion. "Fine, if you don't wanna have sex with Lucas, at least do the other ex!" Brooke weighed Peyton's options out with her hands. "As usual, P. Sawyer, you have plenty of men around to choose from!"

-x-

"So Luke, how's the script coming? I gotta be honest I was hoping to have the first draft by now." Julian remarked from his seat opposite Lucas.

The pair had agreed to meet up at a cafe along the boardwalk to discuss the next steps for the movie. After the underwhelming success of their meeting the previous week at Tric, Lucas had decided to let the poor impression he got of the producer that night, go for now and move forward.

"It's coming." Lucas sighed, for what felt like the tenth time that week. "But it's coming slowly, if you want this script to be good, you have to give me time. I know these people and I want to get it right." He added earnestly.

Julian nodded in defeat. "I want it to be good." He admitted. "Can I at least see something by the end of the week?"

Lucas sighed again, his patience with Julian dwindling. "I should have the first couple of acts done for you by then, they just need a little more tweaking."

Julian, sensing that Lucas was getting the urge to leave, recaptured his attention with a compliment. "Look Luke, I'm sorry if I'm coming off a bit strong about this deadline, it's just I've got people above me who are demanding to see it. And those guys are the ones with the money. But I do believe in this book, your writing's great and I think once we get started that this movie's gonna be something really special. For both of us."

The blonde smirked in reply, this guy really could be charming when he wanted to be.

"So when did you first read the book?" Lucas asked as he shuffled in his chair.

Tapping his hand on his knee, Julian searched his mind for an answer. He could have lied, he really could have but the truth was going to come out some time and the idea of having one up on the man who held the heart of his ex-girlfriend seemed like way too much fun.

"Recently, a girlfriend insisted I did, said it was the only thing that's ever really spoken to her heart." The brunette man leaned back comfortably in his seat and rested his palms against the back of his head. "She was kind of obsessed with it."

Lucas nodded with a raised eyebrow. In his experience, obsession, regardless of how innocent it seems, never ends well.

"Actually I think she sort of used it to help her get over this loser ex-boyfriend she had, this guy treated her like shit and the book sort of symbolised hope for her. Like, maybe this is what love is like sometimes." He couldn't resist the satisfied smile that adorned his features as he watched an utterly confused Lucas listen to his cleverly disguised story. "I'm pretty sure that she's run back to him now, not that he'll ever know how lucky he is or that he doesn't deserve her ..." Julian trailed off and his grin faded as he thought of his blonde former lover back in the arms of the man sitting opposite him.

"Ooo-kay." Lucas elongated the word as he replaced his coffee cup on the coaster in front of him. "It kinda sounds like maybe you're the one who's not over it, not over her I mean."

Julian could only bite down on his bottom lip as it sunk in for him how right the other man might be.

"So, I was thinking that we could maybe talk about some locations for the movie." Lucas wisely changed the subject as he began to shuffle through the various papers and folders that decorated the table between them.

"Sure, I've actually taken some notes already about that. Feel free to glance through any of this stuff, I'm just gonna run to the bathroom." He excused himself hurriedly from the table.

Lucas leaned back in his seat and let out a slight chuckle at the sight of the normally abrupt, cocky man so flustered at the mere thought of his ex.

He flicked through the pages in his hands, noticing that Julian had already jotted down ideas for location, costuming, promotion and the soundtrack. He really was putting his all into the movie and so for that reason, Lucas reasoned that he really should cut the guy some slack.

He opened another of the folders to find an old, tattered copy of his book, sectioned open around two thirds of the way through. Lucas picked up the novel and began reading the page that Julian had marked with a piece of card.

It was the aftermath of Peyton's first attack by Psycho Derek and it was a rather detailed paragraph of how it felt for him to have her sleeping beside him every night, him knowing all the while that she was only there because she was scared. Or that was what he thought he knew at the time.

As he went to move the scrap that was obstructing the remainder of his prose, he felt the smooth texture of the other side and realised it was a photograph. Curiosity getting the better of him he quickly flipped the photo to see the face that Julian wanted to see so badly, he kept inside a book that he currently took with him everywhere.

He couldn't believe it. At first he was confused but that didn't last long once the reality hit him like a rock. Blood rushed to his head immediately and it started to pound, he could practically feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins to reach every spot in his body.

His girl, his Peyton, was evidently once Julian's girl too. He saw her staring back at him, all smiles as she tenderly kissed the brunette man's cheek and winked brazenly at the camera. Her curly blonde locks tickling Julian's neck as he leaned in towards her.

She looked happy and confident and that fact wounded him as much as it made his heart smile. She was happy, without him. She looked carefree and very much besotted with the man whose frame she was cuddling in the picture.

He, on the other hand, looked completely in love with her. While Peyton teasingly flirted with the camera, his gaze was fixed on her and his grasp on her was tight, as if he never wanted to let her go.

She wasn't just his girl. She was _the_ girl.

Lucas suddenly felt the urge to throw up, the jealousy churned in his stomach and he had to choke back a gag as he swiftly threw the picture and the remainder of the files atop the table.

Then the adrenaline reached his brain and everything clicked into place. Julian's sneaky grins, all the sly comments about being a jackass boyfriend. Peyton's nervousness when they all met at Tric, the way she had been avoiding meeting his eye for a week.

They'd be lying to him. _She'd_ been lying to him.

As if she hadn't done quite enough of that already.

He reached into his wallet and hurled a couple of notes downwards as he leapt from the chair and bounded angrily towards the exit.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Julian return from the bathroom and although he wanted so badly to go back and send his fist slamming into the man's jaw, there was something he had to do first.

-x-

Marching up the stairs leading to the house, Lucas considering pounding on the front door, purely to allow some of the anger a way out of his body and of course for the added dramatic effect. Realising that the noise would probably scare the life out of his daughter, he thought twice and used his key to unlock the door instead.

Peyton looked up from her seat in the kitchen to see Lucas enter the house and push the door closed behind him slowly and calmly. A kind of eerily calm in fact, especially when combined with the silent and moody demeanour which she saw etched across his face and in his body language.

"What's up Luke?" She greeted with a raised eyebrow as she tilted back slightly when he rested his hands on the other side of the work surface and looked her dead in the eye.

"I was hoping maybe you'd tell me that." He growled under his breath.

She witnessed his grip on the marble edge tighten but when she went to touch his hand with hers softly he pulled away like he'd been bitten.

"Lucas, what the hell is going on?" Peyton cried in bewilderment.

He stayed silent for a few more seconds, staring at his knuckles which were turning whiter by the minute.

"I just had a meeting with Julian..."

Peyton sighed inwardly at the distaste that dripped from the other man's name. She closed her eyes, not wanting to believe it. Lucas knew.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" The blonde man demanded accusingly.

She buried her head in her hands for a few moments, praying that this was a horrible dream. She had known that it would end up like this but she had really wanted to not believe it.

"Lucas, I'm so, so sorry." Her pleas came out muffled from her hiding spot behind her hands.

"Is that all you have to say?!" He snapped and the shock broke her from her brooding.

"No of course not." She released her hands and reached out to grab his, once again he flinched out of her grasp. "I wanted to tell you, I did, since he first got here."

Lucas scoffed.

"I wanted to tell you at Tric, but I was caught off guard and I didn't want to have this conversation there with all those people and risk embarrassing you –"

"Right, because this isn't at all embarrassing for me now!"

Peyton paused for breath before continuing her original sentiments. "And then you got so excited about the movie, you wouldn't stop going on about how much you loved writing the script and I was so scared that if I told you, that you wouldn't want to do the movie anymore. You seemed so happy about it ... and I just want you to be happy Luke."

He could see that she was pleading with him, her eyes shining a dark green, tears threatening to fall but he couldn't meet her gaze. He couldn't look at those eyes and still be mad at her. And he was mad. And he planned on staying that way for a while.

"Well that sounds like a nice excuse." He sneered, dragging his feet lazily out of the kitchen until he reached the French doors which led to the balcony.

"Luke, I don't know how else to say it. I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you and I just didn't and I don't really know why I didn't, but I was going to, I promise." She started rambling as she hopped from the stool and moved to stand in front of him.

"Tell me what?" He redirected his stare from the view of the harbour out of the window to look at the woman before him. "What did you want to tell me?"

Peyton knitted her brows in confusion, before she started to speak, Lucas interjected.

"I want to hear you say the words ... what do you have to tell me?"

She crossed her arms across her chest stubbornly and drew a breath before replying.

"I was with Julian ... In LA. We were together for about a year and a half ... we lived together ... I loved him. I'm sorry Luke, I don't know what else to tell you."

She let a tear fall and caught it by wiping her hand across her cheek. It didn't hurt to talk about her past with Julian and she wasn't upset that Lucas had found out. But it did devastate her the way that he was looking at her right now, like he was disgusted with her.

When he finally spoke, it was quietly. "So you two decided together that you were going to lie to me?"

"No, God Luke of course not. I was just really hoping that he'd let me tell you but obviously it seemed like too good of an opportunity to miss for him to mess with both our heads."

"He didn't tell me!" Lucas exclaimed. "No, I don't even get that amount of decency. I found a photo of the two of you tucked inside a copy of _my_ book. You're all over him in it and he carries it around with him so that he can look at you whenever he wants."

"That doesn't mean anything." She insisted, knowing what he was implying.

"Are you sleeping with him?" He spat out viciously.

Peyton grimaced and rolled her eyes. "How can you even ask me that?"

"Just answer the question."

"In case you've forgotten, I sleep next to you almost every night." His angry stare didn't alter so she made herself clear. "No, of course I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"How dare you? What gives you the right to speak to me that way?!" The volume of her voice heightened considerably and awoke baby Anna from her near-slumber.

Both parents immediately shut up at the sound of their daughter's thankfully soft whimpers whilst Lucas strode to her crib to stroke her head softly and re-wrap the blankets around her snugly.

Once satisfied that she was on her way to sleep once more, he pointed towards the door and Peyton slipped through it compliantly.

After he had followed her out onto the balcony, Peyton started to release her bottled-up frustration again albeit less quietly than before.

"I get that you're mad because I didn't tell you and you have every right to be, but do not ever talk to me like that again." She snarled. "If you want to talk about this, then we can talk but I will not allow you to make me feel guilty about being in a relationship with somebody else. In case you don't remember Lucas, _you_ are the one who left me, _you_ are the one who ended _us _... and oh yeah, you married someone else!"

"Do not bring Lindsey into this!" He snapped. "I have already tried to explain that situation to you and you didn't want to hear it. Besides, that is not the same as your asshole of an ex turning up and becoming my new business partner!"

"I had nothing to do with that!" Peyton defended automatically. "Unlike you who decided to get married to prove some kind of point ... and you have ruined that poor girl's life because of it! How do you live with the guilt of that?"

Lucas couldn't take it for much longer, he couldn't listen to any more berating for a decision that he had made, at the time, in good faith. Especially not when he wasn't the only one in the wrong on this particular terrace.

"How do I live with it?" He shouted. "How did you live with keeping Anna's existence from me for nine months?! And you didn't even want to tell me when she was being born, Brooke had to do it for you!"

Peyton tried to cut in but was refused by his insistence.

"Are you that much of a selfish bitch that you would keep her father from her just because I didn't pick you?!"

As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them, he didn't mean them, he didn't know where they came from and he certainly did not want to call her such an awful name.

She on the other hand didn't regret the slap that she swiftly deposited on his left cheek. It left a shrill thwack noise resounding in the cool air surrounding them as Lucas brought his hand up to his now stinging skin and Peyton gritted her teeth and stared at the floor.

He opened his mouth to apologise but she didn't see.

"Get out." She demanded forcefully.

"Peyton, please ..." He pleaded hopelessly.

"Say goodbye to your daughter and then get out. Now."

He knew she wasn't kidding and he knew that she wasn't in the mood to negotiate right at that moment. He just wished that she'd meet his eyes so he could show her he was sorry.

"I'm not going to ask you again." Her tone was vehement but he could sense that just below the surface, she was breaking.

He left without another word and she waited until she heard the front door shut before she collapsed into the nearby chair and cried.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** For anybody who still remembers this and is still reading, I'm sorry. I have no excuses so I won't make any. Lyrics are 'Stay' by Gavin DeGraw because it's great and I think it works for both LP and PJu here.

-x-

_You don't have to be part of the problem  
I just need a second chance  
I just need a second chance  
Instead of leaving me standing in sorrow  
I know that you'll understand  
I hope then you'll understand  
I know that I was wrong  
But just don't walk away  
_

"So ... you yelled at her and called her a bitch?" Haley collated the information Lucas had told her with a cocked eyebrow. "Well, it's not very romantic but it probably got your point across."

Lucas shrugged heavily as he went about pulling clothes from his bedroom floor and throwing them into the laundry basket.

"That was not my point, or at least it wasn't supposed to be." He turned to face his friend who was sitting on his bed and idly flicking through a copy of 'Absalom, Absalom!' that she had found on his pillow. "I really screwed this up Hales."

"You're not the only one Luke ... Don't give me that look! Peyton has screwed up here too and she screwed up first, and worst I might add."

"Please don't start that again." He pleaded. "Peyton and I have had our issues, we still have many in fact but I can't have you making her out to be the bad guy again. You guys are just getting friendly again as well."

"Luke, we have always been friends. That's why I fight with Peyton, why I fight with you and why the two of you fight with each other. Because you fight the most with the people that you love." She looked up at him with her soft, brown eyes. "And when you see friends who you expect so much more from doing things that they really shouldn't be, you have to say something. Or at least I do."

Lucas rolled his eyes and set the basket down on the bed.

"Do you remember when Nathan and I were separated and you came to find me in New York and tried to convince me to come home?" Haley dropped the tattered book back on the bed and sat up straight. "And do you also remember after I came back and Peyton all but kicked my ass for the way I'd handled everything?"

He let out a soft sigh of realization.

"You had to call me on my behaviour and on the way I was treating Nathan, and even now I don't know if I would have come to the same conclusions without your completely unwanted input." She smiled. "If I'm being an idiot, I expect you to tell me so. And I'll always do the same for you, for both of you."

"So what do I do now then genius?" He smirked.

Haley exhaled dramatically and threw herself back onto the covers. "Who the hell knows?" She chuckled at him, a genuine hearty laugh escaping her lips. "I try to get how you two do things, and why, but the 'how' I'm still working on and the 'why' just makes me want to lose my mind."

She pushed herself up, leaning on her elbows. "Have you two ever just tried saying 'I want to be with you'? Because sometimes the simplest answer is the right one."

"Yeah, actually we've both said that and then we threw it back in each other's faces and y'know ruined everything." He scratched the top of his head and pursed his lips in thought. "How did it get this messed up Hales? I mean I screwed it up and then just when I thought I couldn't screw it up any more, I do."

"That is a particular talent of yours." She smirked. "Look you guys will work it out, I have no idea how because to be honest I thought that you'd be done after you married Lindsey, but apparently no, the rest of us have to live through this for quite some time yet."

He narrowed his eyes into that goofy squint Haley had become accustomed to over the last fifteen years and all she could do was roll her eyes.

"I was looking for some actual advice, Mama Haley style, 'do this, do that', that sort of thing." He uttered vaguely.

She scrunched her nose and shook her head softly.

"That's a 'no' then." He lifted the laundry basket and headed for the door, turning back he said, "Seriously, that's it, you're not gonna help me _at all_?"

"You could try apologising, I hear girls like that." She shuffled off of the bed. "And then maybe you can try doing what I'm been telling you to since the start ... and talk it out." She stood and moved across the room to stand beside him.

"There's no way forward if you hold anything back. Luke, if you're mad you have to get it off your chest and you've also gotta take whatever she throws back at you. Until you clear the air between you, properly, you're gonna be stuck in limbo."

"I know you probably think that you've done that already, but obviously that fight you had hasn't helped anybody. Maybe you want to try again." She gave him a sympathetic smile.

Lucas stopped before taking his next step out of the room, he knew that he'd asked for her advice, explicitly and repeatedly but if he was honest he didn't really want to do what Haley told him to.

He didn't want to yell at Peyton and explain how furious he was for not telling him she was pregnant and how he was even more disappointed in her that she felt that she _couldn't_ tell him.

He didn't want to admit that no, he still wasn't over his rejected proposal and that no matter how she tried to slice it, as far as he was concerned she didn't say 'yes' and that was as good as saying 'no'.

He didn't want to explain how jealous he was at the thought that she'd been with anyone in the time they were apart, during the time that though he'd never admit it to anyone else he always held onto the belief that she did little more than think about him and how much she missed him. After all that's all that he did. Well, mostly.

He really didn't want to even think about the fact that the 'anyone' in question was the arrogant jerk of a man who was now effectively his business partner for the foreseeable future. The man who even he could tell was attractive, charming and smart and undoubtedly irresistible to women. He'd been irresistible to _his_ woman.

He didn't want to hear her excusing her actions by throwing his relationship with Lindsey in his face for what would feel like the millionth time. He didn't need to be told that the decisions he made that night, the night that he declared his love to two different women in two very different but similarly life-altering ways, were indefensible.

And he really, really couldn't bear to see the total devastation in her eyes when she recalls the day he informed her that he was choosing another woman over her. He had a straight choice and he made the wrong one. He knows it. And he knows that it killed her and that it still does.

So, no, he doesn't want to have to go through all this again. Part of him believes that Haley's right, that they need to sort through all of their old stuff before they go move on to the new stuff.

But there's another part of him, the part in his gut which is telling him that to really move forward you have to let go of all the crap that's gone before, to forgive and forget. And then you can move on, together.

"Luke ...?" Haley sang his name childishly to get his attention. "Is there anybody in there?"

"Yeah, sorry." He stumbled out of his bedroom and walked into the kitchen, Haley on his heels.

"So ... are you going to talk to her or what?"

"Of course. I'll go and see her in a bit and I'll apologise."

Haley raised an eyebrow in his direction at his hazily mumbled words.

"I will." He stated more clearly. "I'll work it out, I promise."

"I know you will." The brunette nodded perceptively. "You're just gonna take your time like you always do and I'm scared that by the time you do, you and Peyton will be in two different places again and it'll be too late."

"She's not going anywhere; her and Anna are going to stay in Tree Hill."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." She sighed and Lucas shot her an understanding smile. "Right now she's in a place where she can forgive you and she's ready to be forgiven by you. Don't miss that window, it might not come around again."

Lucas stood in front of his oldest friend and placed both his hands on her shoulders.

"How did you get so smart?" He quizzed with a squint.

"Mostly, from observing and learning from your screw-ups." She teased him with a wide, toothy grin.

"Touché." He wrapped an arm around his best friend turned sister-in-law and guided her towards the living room.

"You gotta sort this out Luke." Haley's tone turned serious once more. "Or else you're going to end up hurting yourself and Peyton even more than you already have and you would have ruined your marriage for nothing."

He looked down at her with solemn eyes and watched as she chose her words carefully.

"Don't be that guy Luke."

-x-

_Oh won't you stay  
I need you need you here  
When you're with me  
All others disappear  
I'll follow close  
So close I'll almost touch  
I need your love  
But it never hurt this much_

I don't wanna be someone who's searching  
Finally met someone  
I finally met someone  
There's a couple things I'm still learning  
Just gotta figure out  
But you need someone who knows  
I came to you tonight  
But now you're just walking away

As he slipped through the large warehouse door and entered her office, he caught a glimpse of her in deep thought. She sat teddy bear-style atop the pool table, which he did stop and think for a moment probably isn't necessary for a business office but is totally _her_, her bare legs spreadeither side of her hips and clad in only a short red skirt and black pumps. She was chewing on her bottom lip and twiddling the pencil she was holding between her fingers and then having obviously found whatever inspiration she thought she needed, she leant over and drew roughly on the sheet of paper in front of her.

She was beautiful like she always was, but she wasn't his. Not anymore. That is, if she ever really was.

"INXS huh?" Julian alerted her to his presence by raising his eyebrows and pointing towards her speakers.

Peyton turned quickly and clocked his appearance with a smirk and nothing more. She should have known that he'd show up at some point. And she did know really, she'd been expecting him admittedly.

"It's fairly standard really, dead rocker, provocative lyrics – totally you. I think the only way you could surprise me with your musical taste is if you had a secret penchant for Miley Cyrus." The brunette man strolled past the table and settled himself into one of her leather-backed chairs which he twisted to face her.

"Well unfortunately you've missed it, I was playing her new album just before you walked in." She retorted, weakly she noted to herself, with the first thing she could think to say.

Noticing the small smile quickly growing on his scruffy face she realized the position she was still sitting in and swiftly closed her legs together and to the side while she smoothed down her skirt in a bid to make it appear longer than it actually was.

"So, listening to music and drawing pictures – this seems like the easiest job ever." He teased her and she knew it was just teasing. He'd never said anything hurtful to her, not once.

"Well it works out better than your job; at least I don't have to trick people into working with me." She flipped her sketchbook over and crossed her arms so she at least looked like she was protesting against him being here.

"Yeah, he um, ran out on our last meeting and now he's not taking my calls. I take it you told him about us."

"No, it didn't even go that well. He found a photo of us that you apparently take everywhere you go." She raised an eyebrow at him and smiled when a pale pink blush rose to his cheeks. He said nothing so she continued. "You know I would be flattered but the whole obsessive-photo-keeping has not worked out that well for me in the past."

Julian raised his eyes to look at her, the sparkle in her eyes matched her joking tone.

"It's not like that." He laughed nervously.

"_I _know it's not, but now Lucas thinks that you're in love with me, so if you two ever end up sorting out this whole movie business that might be something you want to clear up with him."

He nodded slowly, not looking forward to that conversation. He couldn't lie about his feelings for this girl in the past so there was nothing to suggest that he'd be able to do it now. Especially when he didn't know how he really felt in order to lie about it.

Here she was, the girl, woman rather, who had him, the wannabe serial womanizer, painting with her in the kitchen after their first date, introducing her to his parents after a week of dating, proclaiming love and forever after only a month more and had him with a ring in his packed suitcase the day he decided to break up with her.

She was the wrong that he changed all of his rules for.

And now he was thinking that maybe he'd changed his mind about chasing after exes and women who were so clearly involved with someone else too.

It'd be complicated but so worth it. She always was.

"So you've managed to sort everything out between the two of you?" He asked vaguely.

"Oh not even close, we had a huge fight and now we're not speaking." She snapped in a way that let him know that she was definitely still angry about whatever they had fought over.

"Great, a domestic, I love being in the middle of those."

"Well maybe if you didn't sleep with as many married women as you do, then you wouldn't have to be in the middle so much."

He grinned. "So you're not as mad at me as I thought you'd be. And I'm not knocking it, I'm grateful." He added as an afterthought.

She smiled at him briefly before shaking her head. "What's the point? You didn't _really_ do anything wrong, except for being a little deceitful but that's who you've always been, if it can work in your favour. It's not you I'm mad at. It's me I'm mad at. It's him I'm mad at."

Peyton rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You're just ... here."

"Well don't I feel special?" He mumbled.

"What are you doing here Julian?" She finally dared to ask.

"In Tree Hill here, or here in your office?"

"Here, in my office. Talking to me, like we're friends, like we haven't not spoken once since we broke up." She slid to the edge of the pool table and swung her legs over the side.

He didn't give her an answer so she kept talking.

"_You_ broke up with me. You left me because of Lucas, because of his ... presence in my life or whatever. Now I'm back in Tree Hill, I'm raising his daughter and you're here acting like ..." She drifted off.

"Acting like what?"

"Like maybe you want me back." She finished quietly.

She saw a flash of vulnerability in his eyes which he quickly disguised with yet another grin.

"Think a lot of yourself don't you?" He then stood and began pacing the floor, almost nervously.

"Julian ..." She prompted softly.

"Yes ...?"

Childish as it was she couldn't help but be warmed by his response. He hadn't changed a bit since the last time she saw him and she liked that. It seemed that everyone else around her had grown and changed so much in five years that they were almost unrecognisable from who they used to be. She liked that she could count on him to always be the guy she used to know.

"Do you still think of me that way?" She posed her question in a different manner.

He halted his steps and raised his head towards her. Think on your feet Julian, he told himself, flash her a grin and a sweet line and she'll believe you like they always do. She won't see through it.

"I'll always think of you that way. But to answer your original question – no, I'm not planning on seducing you or winning you back. Regardless of how many of those sexy little skirts you insist on strutting around in."

He tilted his head to check her out and made an appreciative sound. He could always be counted on to be _that guy_.

Peyton laughed as her cheeks burned under his gaze. "Okay, well that's good to know."

She hopped off of the table and shoved him lightly on the cheek with her palm so as to avert his eyes. "Moving on." She ordered.

He held up his hands in submission. "You got it."

He watched as she began organising the papers on her desk and clicking away at her laptop, no doubt checking her e-mails.

"What's this?" He asked as the music in the room changed once more.

She didn't answer him, just kinked an eyebrow as if to say 'what am I, psychic?'.

"I meant the song." He smirked at her.

"Oh. It's Gavin DeGraw, off his new album." She said simply and then went back to her computer screen.

"INXS, Stevie Wonder and now Gavin DeGraw, that's quite a variety in five minutes."

She closed her laptop and stood up straight. "I do try to give a good musical education when I can."

Julian listened to the melody and saw the way Peyton nodded her head and swayed her hips to the beat. He had really missed watching her do this.

"Dance with me." He leant forward and held his hand out for Peyton to take.

"You're kidding me right?"

"No, I'm deadly serious. Come on girlie, dance with me."

She gave him a sceptical look but seeing that the look on his face didn't waver and his hand was still proffered to her, she took it and allowed him to lead her into the free space beneath the windows.

He entwined his left hand fingers with her right and tucked his right hand into the small of her back. He could feel the warmth of her body radiating against the length of his and her breathing slowed almost immediately. Her warm breaths now tickled him every few seconds across his collarbone and he had to work to not let himself quiver.

She let him interlace their hands willingly and placed her remaining hand on his shoulder after he pulled her in closer. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck, not worrying about the intimacy of this gesture, after all it was a dance.

_Oh won't you stay  
I need you need you here  
When you're with me  
All others disappear  
I'll follow close  
So close I'll almost touch  
I need your love  
But it never hurt this much_

_Don't get caught up in me feeling off course today  
You can take a minute before you go slipping away  
I know I took some time but I realized my mistake  
You don't have to be part of the problem  
I just need a second chance_

They swayed together for a few moments, Peyton with her gaze fixed on her label poster on the wall in front of her and Julian with his nose buried in her dark blonde locks.

Peyton was the first to speak.

"Do you know that Gavin DeGraw is the first act I ever booked?" She whispered whimsically, almost as if she were daydreaming.

"Yeah, you told me on our first date, you met him at the ... magazine and you got him to play at the cafe ... Karen's Cafe. Even at 16 men couldn't say 'no' to you." Julian summoned up the information, pausing at times to make sure he got the facts right.

"It was the moment you started to believe in yourself without needing to hear it from anybody else." That he recalled perfectly.

Peyton took a sharp intake of breath, momentarily stunned.

"I can't believe that you remember that." She pulled back to look at him in disbelief.

"I remember more than you think." He said simply as he caressed the back of her head and moved in towards her again so that she was back in her original spot, with the side of her face pressed against his shoulder.

The way he handled her so tenderly and spoke such sweet words to her with a hushed whisper, it did something to her and it wasn't totally unwanted. It felt so familiar and yet so new, it filled her with a comfortable warmth and an exciting little rush ran through her veins every time he stroked the skin of her back with his thumb.

"I know I can act like a dick ..." He broke the silence as the song began winding down. "But I would never do to you what he has. When I look at you, you're the only one I see."

So much for all that 'I'm not interested' bullshit, he thought.

She pulled back again to see his eyes, those deep brown orbs that aren't round, aren't velvety or soft. They're harsh almost and very masculine, but they're honest and they're his tell.

She could see the sincerity brimming in them, just below the surface and he certainly wasn't smiling or smirking, another sure sign that he was serious.

He was just being honest with her. He was telling her something and he really meant it.

And that meant more to her than he'd ever know.

-x-

Lucas listens from his position behind the door, frozen in that spot since he tried to enter the room and saw Peyton dancing with Julian. And not even just dancing – slow dancing! Peyton doesn't do slow dancing he thought to himself.

But that point was pretty much irrelevant to him after he heard them talking, after he heard Julian slate him and then go on to effectively seduce her with sentimental phrases. If he hadn't been so devastated at seeing her then nestle further into his embrace, he might have been pissed, after all sweet-talking her is _his thing_.

He knows that he should move away, watching them for any longer isn't going to make him feel any better and if they end up seeing him then he's just going to look like a pathetic creep, lurking in the shadows. He'll want to have it out with Julian, to punch him and threaten him with more physical violence if he ever dares to lay his hands on her again.

He does actually want to do that but he doesn't think he has the energy in him. Seeing her surrender into the words and arms of another man breaks the last piece of his heart he was so badly trying to hold onto.

He may be exhausted with fighting, with the constant one step forward, two steps back between them but something inside him was re-ignited, a certain familiar sense of clarity.

They say that a competitor sparks a fire inside us, makes us truly fight with everything we have for the prize we so desperately desire.

He's not going to let that guy come between them, he won't let anyone. He wants her back and he finally, really, deep down, believes it.

_Oh won't you stay  
I need you need you here  
When you're with me  
All others disappear  
I'll follow close  
So close I'll almost touch  
I need your love  
But it never hurt this much_

_I need your lovin' arms at night, but it never hurt this much  
You don't have to be part of the problem  
I just need a second chance_


End file.
